


Locking up the Sun

by the_lie_eternal



Category: Poets of the Fall
Genre: Explicit Language, Implied M/M, a different kind of zombie apocalypse, explicit content, may be triggering for some people, obviously an AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-27
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2018-11-19 21:35:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 41
Words: 28,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11322207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/the_lie_eternal/pseuds/the_lie_eternal
Summary: It was around one month ago when the first one of them was born. They aren't like us. They want to kill us. We are in danger, great danger.Tomorrow could be the last day of humanity ruling the world.





	1. Return [Olli]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's see this as a new experiment of mine.

I cursed when I inspected my little house boat for flaws – my journey would find a sooner ending than expected at this point. Disappointed I dragged myself back into the "house" to pack my things together, my stay on solid land would need more time than usual, damn my old boat but I had no money for a new one. Three months were planned, now after two months I arrive back at the old harbor I knew since childhood, even if I spent more time on sea than there, still I see it as my second home.

I was so lost in thoughts that I didn't notice how empty the usual rough port basin was. Had to be a special happening in town, still I didn't really care, to be honest. As long as I could buy the stuff I needed to fix my glorious ship I left stuff in the city out of my personal interests.

To my surprise I couldn't see a single person as I parked my house on my old and rusty "boat parking lot". Usually I would meet some old fishermen giving their water-homes a visit – but nothing.

With the backpack on my shoulder I walked over the deadly quiet and empty port.

'Hello? Anyone here?' I shouted, more than just one time, no answer. As I reached the little office-container of the harbor's boss I knocked at the door – no answer. The windows were strangely dirty, no chance to look inside. Worried I continued my steps over the big grey place, me seemingly being the only human being around. Every now and then I gave a loud 'Hello?', receiving not a single answer.

A moment I sat down on a nearby box, taking a deep breath. Either I was dreaming or just in another weird mental state again. I knew the consequences of living isolated for years out in the middle of nowhere and I accepted them. Still, completely blending out humans couldn't be possible, could it? It had to be while until someone walked these roads the last time. In moments like these I regretted to own no phone, radio or other media – who knew it would be useful one day.

Who knew what would happen to a world you return to after two months of pure loneliness?

Shaking my head, I stood up and continued my way over the port, trying to find at least a small sign of civilization on a place which never slept or stood still before I left.


	2. Explanations [Markus]

I watched the blonde man walking around the empty port. If he would continue shouting like that the place would be filled with "them" in no time, so I quickly sneaked up to him and silenced him by pressing my hand on his mouth, grabbing him from behind. He wanted to scream in surprise but my grip was tight.

'If you don't shut up this port won't be empty for a long time, don't you know sounds attract them?' I hissed quietly. He heavily shook his head, his ocean blue eyes stared at me in fear and confusion. A thought reached my mind and it wasn't a fun one.

'You have no idea what I am talking about, am I right?' He nodded and I gave a sigh. 'Come with me and I explain. And for fucks sake, shut your mouth or we are going to die.' Again, the man gave me a trembling nod and I let him go. Without a further word, I pulled him by his arm to my little safehouse on the other side of the big port hall.

'What's your name? And who are –' The blondie began to ask as I closed the door of my small and dirty "home". It wasn't the best to invite guests but this was about life or death and not beauty.

'Markus.' I interrupted him while pressing my hands into a fist once again. Only a way to calm myself, not that I wanted to harm the other man in any way. Humans were rare these days. 'You?'

'Olli Tukiainen.' he mumbled, still obviously confused about the situation he – in general all of us remaining people were in.

'Where have you been that you don't know about them?' I continued asking before I would go on to the point of all.

'I live on the sea, planned to stay there for three months but my boat needed some fixings after two months so here I am. What did I miss?' Finally he began to speak up, now that we knew each other's names I was sure may could become friends. He seemed me like a pretty friendly guy. Anyway …

'What you missed, you ask? Oh well, where should I begin…' I took a second to breath and calm down completely 'It was around a month ago when the first one of them was born. Seen as a crippled baby nobody gave a fuck about that little thing. Who knew that this wasn't a human? It belonged to them, we simply call them "The Others". Once on this world, the … "disease" … began to spread like a wildfire and left nothing but destruction and death. Some of us they immediately kill but most become a part of them. This is it, you literally missed the end of the world.' I nodded and stared at the ground.

'And … what are "The Others" exactly? Do they look like you and me, how do they behave? Seems like they have good ears, guessing from your behavior?' I was surprised by the fact he remained so calm. The world dies while you rot on a boat on the sea and then you don't give a fuck … whatever.

'You know zombies? These stereotypical human flesh-eating motherfuckers? Imagine them like this. Not as dumb as those undead, that's for sure. They can't see that good but their hearing, oh boy. They are like a down-evolved version of us, still with the only thing in mind to erase the whole humanity. They can't use weapons, lucky to us they have no full functioning brain, but they still can attack in other ways. Sure, they aren't Olympic sportsmen but sill they don't sneak through the streets like their stereotypical brothers. They walk – they run. If the horde, they usually only attack in small groups, is in a good mood they make you a part of them, painless transformation and then you continue living a miserable life. If their hate on us is strong again you probably end up in a painful and slow death, either the blood loss because of the wounds they create or they start to eat you alive. Neither of this is fun, living and watching it happening. The world changed, Olli, and it won't end before we or they won.'


	3. The First One [Olli]

Obviously, I needed a moment. I never really cared about the civilization living on the land but that I would come back into an apocalypse … Markus suggested that we should stay together. He would have another survivor by his side and I would learn how to live in this new world. Not a bad deal, thinking about that I couldn't get back on water in near future, so I accepted.

'Seems like some of them heard you.' Markus mumbled as he took a glimpse into the big hall. It was getting dark, the time of the day they were the most active. I watched as he walked over to a strange looking box – I could imagine what hid inside of it.

'Only two or three. Have you ever killed someone?' the tall man asked as if would be nothing.

'Do I look like a murderer?' I replied with a slightly raised voice, standing up from the chair I sat on.

'Good, then taking their lives will be easier for you. If you might follow me, sir?' he continued without answering my question, rhetorical or not, doesn't matter, and held a gun and a knife in my direction. Did he really expect of me that I become … right, these weren't human.

'Olli?' he asked, ripping me out of my thoughts, hesitantly I wrapped my hands around the weapons. The gun felt heavy – heavy of guilty and blood of its victims. Slowly I followed the older man as he stepped out of his shelter with confident and strong steps. He made a short whistle, an aggressive growl as answer out of the shadows.

'I am not afraid of you. Look, I even brought a friend. Oh, we will have so much fun together.' Markus mocked the creature. The dark figure began to move, quick steps into our direction. 'Now watch and learn, the Captain knows how to eliminate them.' He laughed and pushed me away, that I wouldn't stand in his way.

The human-like … monster … stepped into the dim daylight. The first thing taking my breath away – in fear and disgust – were the blood-red eyes, giving Markus a death stare. No to ignore the weird and horrible looking skin, adding to all the wounds and their remainders on the old and dirty clothes. It fitted the description pretty well … zombies. To imagine it, "they" looked like us humans, thrown into boiling water and ripped open with hundreds of knives at the same time. I didn't want to look closer, but I sure spotted some parts of its body which actually should be hidden beside skin and bones.

I coughed. Don't vomit, Olli, just don't.

With a quick movement of the bald man the creature fell on the ground, Markus pressed its head down with his boot. 'You need to show them that you are stronger than them. Am I right, huh?' he laughed at his victim, which hissed like an angry cat and tried to free itself.

'Eh, where are you going?' the man grinned and pulled it up by his hair. 'Forget the "shoot them in the head" thing. These motherfuckers are only completely dead when you cut their throats. Bloody, I know, but it needs to be done.' he explained and with a quick movement he ripped his knife over the creature's neck, which let out an uncomfortable screech, blood was rushing out of it like a waterfall.

Again I coughed but this time I couldn't hold back the need to release my stomach.

'It's alright, I needed weeks to finally be able to handle all this.' Markus patted on my shoulder and gave me a respecting nod. 'Other's would've fainted, you are strong!' he added.

'D- do I-…'

'Don't understand me wrong, I don't want to force you into things you don't want, okay?' he whispered and bent down on my eye-height 'But you need to know how to kill these bastards. You need to be prepared for the moment we can't run away and need to fight. I know it's disgusting and these fuckers don't look like cute pink ponies but you will get used to it.'

His voice calmed me … and he was goddamn right. True, it wasn't the most beautiful to look at but that's the world now, this is how humanity's future looks like. Sooner or later I would need to fight. So better soon than too late.

The second one of them began to walk into our direction. He was much slower than the first one, though.

'That's yours. Don't be afraid, I am right next to you to help. Think about things which make you angry and just let it out, they have no feelings.' Markus encouraged me and I made myself ready.

These piercing red eyes staring at me froze me for a second, then a thought rushed into my head. Without them I would be on the sea already again, away from all this shit, away from death and blood. I jumped aside as it grabbed into my direction and pushed my knife into the back of its neck with full strength.

'You – won't – ruin – my – dreams!' I shouted with every further stab and I breathed heavily as I watched the bloody mess sinking to the ground.


	4. Human? [Markus]

He sat there in silence, staring holes into the dirty floor. It was his first one and definitely not the last, poor man. I tried to calm him by convincing that these motherfuckers aren't any human and a giant danger for us. Still, he couldn't help to die on the inside with the thought that he murdered someone – out of pure anger. I left him alone for himself, probably my words only made his state worse.

Things began to get worse all in all anyway! These bastards found me, found us. For the whole month after the outbreak I had been safe in that little side-room of the big main hall – I guess the escape needed to happen.

We packed our bags in no time and soon we walked in the hot sun of the greeting warmest season of the year. Olli wasn't even surprised by our sudden escape from the safehouse due a horde beginning to gather all around it. He just accepted everything, still stunned by his called "murder". After all I shook my head over it and told myself to wait until he decided to return into the real world.

Daytime, time where you could just live your life as you used to before. Night is when you need to worry for your own existence, when they crawl out of their caves like spiders, hungry and full of want to rip off your skin. Ah, sweet memories of when I fought my first horde, three days after the outbreak. I was a newbie to killing someone or something, but what they did to me … damnit, they woke the demon inside of me and I will never ever stop killing every single one of them until I die.

'Hey, what is that?' Olli held his hand against my chest, symbolizing to stop our walk. Surprised that he said a full sentence without saying that he's a bad human being, I looked around and spotted what he meant. A human like creature, not possible to see if human or one of these bastards, sat on the edge of the sidewalk, face buried in hands.

'Can these creatures cry? Because that person sure is.' He asked confused as we reduced the distance between us and the other one.

'Not that I know. As I said, they have no-' I tried to answer but the blondie interrupted me with a shout.

'That person needs help!' he ran into the direction of – seemingly – him. I flinched my shoulders and went after my buddy with quick steps. I had been right, once again. A man, just as tall as Olli, sat on the ground next to his kind of small bag – never would all things you need to survive in this wasteland fit into it – with his long brown hair all messed up. As he raised his head to us, another pair of innocent brown and glassy eyes looked into mine and Olli's through slightly broken glasses.


	5. Rats [Jaska]

I laughed as I pulled my knife out of my victim's neck. Another rat crossed out of my endless list. With every further life I took, anger and at the same time satisfaction began rising inside of me. Guilt feelings? Words which aren't even existing in my vocabulary. The years I spent in the army freed me of any feelings while killing someone … and to be honest, I still find it damn calming to just punch someone in the face. Violence is my way of life, mercy just brought me problems and most of the time death.

I stepped through the wasteland, the pain from the fight three weeks ago still sat in my bones and tortured me. 250 men – all dead – all killed – by a giant horde of these fucking rats. I was the only survivor … cowardly behavior. Leaving my unit alone to save my life, gosh how selfish I was. My punishment? Not a single human contact since it happened. Not that I need someone to socialize but hearing other voices than those in your head is kind of relaxing.

My supplies were running low so I decided to visit the small rows of houses outside the town to play out the robber inside of me. The people were dead or changed anyway, they didn't need that shit.

House after house – rat nest after rat nest I cleaned up and filled my backpack with new stuff to keep myself alive with, until …

 

A cry reached my ear, human. Rats couldn't produce such sounds so I stopped my "work" and went looking after the person in need for help. Well, it wasn't hard to find the source – a house surrounded by a small horde.

'This is going to be fun.' I hissed to myself as I loaded my gun and walked into the direction of the half-overran house. A group of 7, easy and over in seconds. One shot there, a quick move with my knife, a punch in the face with that one, it felt like a playground – a playground of blood and ripped open bodies, just needed to be careful not to ruin my uniform.

Politely I knocked at the door to symbolize the person inside that it's safe. Unexpectedly a man jumped out of it in excitement, which quickly left when he looked into my face. I knew the big scar on the right side of my face wasn't beautiful, still I felt no shame to hide it, together with the others all over my body.


	6. Protect The Weak [Marko]

True, seeing a face like this wasn't what I expected but no matter what, that man saved my life.

'I- I don't know how to thank you, I have nothing to give you, y-' I stuttered nervously, talking to people wasn't my strength.

'It's alright. Why are you here? Everyone with a more or less clean mind knows staying at one place is a death sentence. And after what I see, this is your own home.' the soldier stated as he eyed what he could see of my place behind me.

'It's like this … don't laugh about me, okay?' I murmured on which he just rolled his eyes in return. 'I don't know how to fight, I don't want to fight, I can't fight. If they chase me I will die.' I breathed on which he raised a brow.

'Never tried it?' he grinned. Telling by his weapons all over his bag and belt he sure knew how to kill – successfully.

'No, I … it's difficult to explain. I just can't.' I nodded and took a step backwards.

'I can't leave you like this. Socializing is not my strength but it's my duty to protect the weak, you are coming with me.' he said calmly and held a knife into my direction. Noticing my confused face, he stepped closer and hissed 'Take it or I will cut your throat with it.'

Taking or dying? Well, owning doesn't mean using it so it's actually alright, sure was I would never kill one of the Others with it.

'Now put your shit in a bag, I don't want to stand around any longer. What's your name after all?' he ripped me out of my small inner guilt fight.

'Marko.' I answered as I returned into my house to get all the stuff needed, added to that I gave the man, Jaska as he told me, my remaining supplies.

 

'So army it is, cold and heartless killer I see.' I mumbled as I took another, closer look at him.

'Born and raised a killer.' he answered silently as he checked if his gun is loaded and ready to shoot. Not that he had much sympathy left, still I had the feeling he was actually a pretty okay dude, he just needed the right people around him.

'Sh!' he hissed and punched his arm against my chest to make me stop. 'You see that?'

'Not really.' I breathed as I tried to focus on something else than the pain from a muscular soldier punching his arms unconsciously against your torso.

'Stop whining like a pussy, these are people. One of them is crying? Shit.' he mumbled and began to move faster. I decided to continue my steps as before, seemingly I wasn't such a big help for him anyway.


	7. Shooting Before Asking [Olli]

A dull strike and Markus fainted, just falling face-first on the street.

Ice cold blue eyes stared at me, holding a rifle into my face.

'Don't shoot! Don't! We didn't hurt him! We only wanted to help, I swear!' I shouted and put my hands up in the air.

'I would say that too!' the tall, dangerous looking man growled and I looked at his finger horribly slowly moving near the trigger.

'He's right. Don't shoot him, please.' the long-haired man gasped between his cries and the – seemingly – soldier let off from me and kneeled down next to the other man.

'What's your name?' he asked, surprisingly friendly, comparing it with the fact he just wanted to kill me. The man didn't answer and continued staring at the ground in tears, so the taller man took his chin in his hand and forced the exchange of looks. There was an uncomfortable silence between them until the younger man mumbled 'Jari.'

'Was it that hard? I am Jaska.' the soldier nodded and turned around to me 'Sorry for pointing my gun at you … and for knocking your friend out.'

'First shooting, then asking, huh?' the tall blondie, whose presence I only now noticed, stated reproachfully – critically watching the happening.

'Shut the fuck up, Marko. Let's get us all down from the street, it's getting dark. You idiot help – What's your name by the way?' Jaska looked at me questioning.

'I'm Olli, that's Markus.' I pointed at the unconscious man on the ground. Yes, that stranger just tried to kill us all but still … he wanted to help … just worrying.

'Anyway, you and Marko get Markus in that house over there, I will care about this little dude here. Without a further comment I agreed and me and the other blondie wrapped Markus' arms around our shoulders and dragged him over to a near, already slightly demolished house.

'So Jaska found you?' I tried to build up a conversation. As weird as it sounded, I knew Marko and I would get great along with each other.

'Kind of, he saved me from a horde, how about you?' He silently mumbled which made it hard to understand him, unsure why but he probably had his reason.

'Markus took me with him when I came back to land after a two-month journey in the sea, kind of missed the apocalypse.' I answered with a slight grin.

'Damn, you know, I nearly missed all this crap too. I spent my life isolated from all social contact, still one day I decided to step outside to breathe some fresh air and woah! Everyone dead! The Others ruling the city!' the taller man gave a laugh and pulled Markus slightly stronger up again.

'And how did you react? Like, what was your first thought, seeing all this … this changed world?' I asked carefully, trying not to trigger something. Who knew what people felt, seeing and knowing that their relatives died.

'I laughed. I giggled like a fool. All this death and destruction, it just filled me with an uncontrollable feeling of psychotic happiness, don't know why. I guess people never meant much for me.' To further question he didn't react – understandable. Probably he thought I lost my interest about him. After all I knew how it felt like to be thrown into a whole new world out of a seemingly perfect and human free isolation.


	8. Monsters [Jaska]

'Why are you crying, huh?' I asked as friendly as my voice could sound, trying not to scare that boy even more through my uncommonly deep voice.

'I- … I- … ' he tried to explain but I quickly realized he first needed to calm down, to be safe, before he would talk. I guess Olli and Markus knew as much as I did at this point, so I decided to stop my asking for now.

I put his – surprisingly light – bag on his lap and took him into my arms bride-style. Then I followed the other three guys into the house.

'Th- Thank y- you.' Jari sniffed and dug his fingers deeper into my back.

'It's my job to help people like you.' I whispered and gave him a slight smile. Feelings? Woah, haven't had them in a while. After all the disappointment the so said "feelings" gave me I tried to avoid having them. Still, poor boy … Is this how you warm the heart of a cold-blooded killer?

 

I put him down on the ground as we were in the house but I first gave my attention to the guy I just knocked out. As I knelt down next to him he was just getting his consciousness back.

'I apologize for my wrong behavior, Markus.' I stated, only receiving a growl from the other man.

'You motherfucker!' he shouted and unexpectedly smashed his fist into my face. Right on the scar, shit. I was used to violence so I kind of took it relaxed, just the scar which began burning and itching like hell again was the thing.

'Shit, dude! Next time go for the left half, okay?' I hissed.

'I am the boss, alright! Fucking moron!' he pushed himself up to stand on his feet again.

'I didn't plan to fight your leadership. You are a strong one, that's for sure. But hey, that thing hurts.' I replied calmly and pointed at the giant cut on my face.

'Sorry sir.' he held out his hand for a handshake.

'Call me Jaska, I don't serve this land anymore, just myself.' I said, put my hand into his and finally turned back to the younger man, who surprisingly stopped crying and instead silently followed our conversation.

'You alright now?' I asked repeating, on which he replied with a shy nod.

'So, you can tell us finally what's up with you?' Olli, who stood behind me, mentioned.

'I- I was afraid and lonely after he … he finally' he hissed the last word dangerously hateful 'died, attacked and eaten by the monsters. Still he was the one who kept me alive because I can't survive alone. Please, please I beg you, help me, take me with you, I do everything.' he whined and grabbed Markus' and my hands. I looked into the bald man's brown eyes, only receiving a silent nod.


	9. Forced Friendship [Markus]

A bigger group meant more noises, more danger for every single one of us. Nevertheless, I couldn't leave that helpless man alone, and seemingly he wanted Jaska with him also. It wasn't the happiest thing for me to be thrown into a group with the guy who almost killed me as a greeting, but this was the apocalypse, I couldn't choose the dead and living. And after all – Life doesn't always run a clear course.

'You okay with that?' I asked the soldier, raising a brow.

'Fine by me, you guys seem nice.' he stated and replied with a nod also.

 

My head still hurt of the punch of Jaska's gun. Truth was, even through that he didn't impress me much, that's why I was the chosen leader of our small group. However, Olli, Jari and Marko sure were under his (and my) full control. Maybe I just lost all respect of soldiers, who knows.

We barricaded the small house and prepared our sleeping places, just as deciding one of us for the first watch. Even if we seemed to be safe, knowing about an approaching horde was better than waking up in the middle of one.

Jaska voluntary took the first half of the night and – to strengthen the respect towards the leader – I decided to do the second.

Woken up from my four-hour sleep, I grabbed my gun and made my way up on the roof, where I found Jaska staring into the night, motionless.

'It's my turn.' I mumbled and stood next to him, expecting him to stand up to go to sleep.

'Sit down.' the soldier commanded without taking his gaze from the darkness in front of him. 'Just do it, I want to show you something.' he added before I could even ask about the Why, so I just sat down wordlessly.

'There's a horde.' he pointed into the darkness, of course I couldn't see a thing which showed signs of a horde but that was the point I just believed the other man. 'Still they won't reach us by tomorrow, probably. I guess we are safe.' he nodded and now looked at me.

'I have a question.' I stated and immediately Jaska rolled his eyes annoyed.

'I don't talk about the scar. Accept that it is there and everything's alright. Really, I know how interesting it looks and it sure is linked with a story but I just don't like thinking about it. Bad enough I will constantly be reminded of it.' he rambled and I nodded, respectful and understanding.

'I will tell the others not to ask.'

'Thank you.'

With these words he stood up, stretched his arms and yawned. Then he patted my shoulder and climbed down the roof.

Staring into darkness, watching an approaching horde – exhausting as fuck, to be honest.


	10. Undead F*ckers [Jari]

They surprised us. Not like this was our first night together anyway, still we needed to wake up to a horde attacking our house. Of course, Markus did his watch, just he was distracted by the horde in the far night that he didn't notice the one right behind him. Truth is, he can be thankful he made it into the house before they could harm him.

Their sounds, the scratches against the wall and the feeling to be trapped in this house forever scared me. I could fight, of course. Every one of us could except Marko so he and Olli stayed hidden in the house while Markus, Jaska and I crawled up in the roof.

'I'm scared.' I mumbled while tightening the grip around my knife as I looked into the horrific, bloody and dirty faces of the monsters.

'Don't, you have the two best fighters with you. Just … kill as much as you can.' Markus replied but I could hear his own unsureness behind his seemingly confident façade. Jaska remained silence, that man anyway lived in his own small world where just violence counts – disgusting.

The monsters began noticing us, crawling up the roof when a sound of a chainsaw got our attention.

'Ey! Undead fuckers! Over here!' a man in clothes similar to those the local mailmen shouted and immediately most monsters turned away from us to chase him instead. 'Shoot now or I will hunt you all in my afterlife!' the man shouted and my two groupmates began sending one after one into hell. Still unsure what to do I walked a few steps back, I only owned a knife, not a gun – after all I was pretty useless in this fight.

Suddenly I felt a grab around my leg and a split second after I slammed on the roof. I panicked, tried to kick … it … away with all my force but the monsters were sure stronger than I.

'Shit!' Markus shouted as he turned around to my screams. And in a blink of an eye I felt as the thing pulled me down the roof and I fainted as my head bumped on the hard ground…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These POV switches!


	11. Bugs [Olli]

The sound of Jaska's heavy boots coming down the roof interrupted Marko and my interesting conversation about our previous kind of lives. I jumped up to check how it went. Truth is, my heart skipped a few beats as I saw the boy laying unconscious in Jaska's arms. Behind him walked Markus and another stranger.

'We will introduce him later, first we need to care about Jari!' the soldier hissed and laid the man in his arms down on some blankets. We formed a kind of circle around him, Jaska kneeled down and slightly shook the boy's shoulder.

'Jari, Jari! Please, say something!' he mumbled worried and – surprising us all – the other man slowly opened his eyes with a groan. However, when he spotted us all watching him he flinched together, I could see his chest rising and falling unnaturally fast, he tried to stand up as quickly as he could but immediately collapsed again, holding onto his leg.

'Hey, no need to freak out, you are safe! Not like we all want to group-beat you.' Markus commented with a critical look onto the happenings, having this "stop pussying around" undertone in his voice.

A short silence followed and just now I realized what the man just said.

Shit.

'Did you just…' Jaska hissed questioning and slowly turned around to the group leader. It was an obvious thing Jari had bad experience with physical abuse and comments like these … I tried to hold the now furious soldier back but of course it was impossible.

'How you dare to say such things to him! You fucking idiot!' the taller man shouted and slammed his fist into Markus' face while pressing him against the wall with the other.

'Jask-' another punch followed before the smaller man could even finish his word. Needless to say the happenings began to escalate from there, Markus freed himself from the grab and began punching back twice as hard as the other man did. We, the remaining group members just silently watched as the blood began dripping on the old wooden floor. All group members? Of course, the obviously hurt boy crawled up on his knees and screamed 'For fucks sake, STOP! Stop hurting each other for no reason!' before the tears began running out of his eyes again. The two arguing men interrupted their fight to look at Jari.

Marko kneeled down to the injured this time and comforted him, checking out the wound on his leg at the same time. Jaska and Markus gave each other a last angry look and then the soldier pushed his rival on the ground before giving Jari his attention.

'Your leg, it's-' he wanted to state as he eyed the pile of blood around the smaller man but exactly that one hissed silently 'Fuck off.' just before adding with a whisper 'Stay, please.'

Markus wiped the blood out of his face and began cleaning up our place. It was known we couldn't stay another night.

'Does he become one of them now?' the silent stranger asked into the thick air. True, that wasn't what I thought about yet … would he … oh my god.

'No, don't worry. As long as you see no bugs it's only a wound. I need a cloth or something similar, at least to stop the blood loss. You sure have some alcohol around here?' Marko answered as he still held the weak man in his arms. 'A few hours and you are fine again, just stay calm, we are just trying to help you.' he explained to Jari and he just nodded, trying to suppress further tears.

'Of course, let me get what you need.' Jaska jumped up, the blood of the fight still sticking in his face, and went into the demolished kitchen of our safehouse.

'Bugs?' I asked out of curiosity. I anyway wondered how the … how the disease spread.

'If you have a weak stomach better don't listen.' Marko grinned and our leader looked at me with a raised brow.

'I can take it.' I said self-confident, receiving a short laugh from Markus.

'Alright so The Others, you know they don't work like a human being as you and me. Of course, they bleed like us but next to that these little bugs flow through their veins. Only when you get in contact with these little fuckers you need to worry about your life – which usually doesn't happen if you don't have direct blood contact with them. Amazing is, if you have a giant open wound in your face just as Jaska. That man may be in the worst condition for that kind of spreading disease but after all he's still living, everything alright.' the blondie stated and gave the injured his attention again as Jaska brought the needed supplies.

'Jaska and Olli, now I need your help. Jaska, you hold his upper body – Olli, you hold his other leg.' Marko commanded.

'Wha- What's happening?' immediately Jari began to panic again.

'Shh, relax. I just want to clean your wound and bandage it, don't want you to get infected. It might be a little painful, you need to be strong.' I wondered how the blondie knew such things, no way he was locked up by himself his nearly whole life … or? Anyway, I pressed the boy's leg down on the ground, already preparing myself to get a kick into my face.

'Don't faint again, just don't.' Jaska mumbled and made the long-haired man look at him, not at his own bloody body part.

 

Now we really had to escape this safehouse, his painful screams woke definitely more than just one horde. Luckily Markus already prepared all our bags so that we could leave immediately.

Jaska decided to walk with Jari, after all the smaller man couldn't stop clawing his hands into the soldier's uniform. Marko and the stranger, who introduced himself as Jani, local mailman – as I thought – walked together, deepened in a conversation. I decided to talk with my closest friend of them all. Truth was we all still only knew each other for one day, different than he and I.

'They both are totally a thing.' the bald man hissed.

'Who? Jari and Jaska?' I asked.

'Yes. I don't like this. This violent animal together with that fragile little bone, how does that work. That soldier would probably break Jari in half while he's fucking him.' Markus laughed.

'Probably. But they aren't.' I replied silently. Not that I thought the same, but now that the mechanic mentioned it I couldn't stop noticing how different Jaska handled the boy, looking at how he and Markus fought.

Anyway, we still had a long journey in front of us, and maybe we would make it to get along with each other. I actually just wished things between the two seemingly "Alpha-Males" wouldn't escalate further – to the protection of us all.


	12. Complete [Marko]

It was known to me that my fellow blondie had the fear that we – the group members – don't get along with each other. I believed in giving it time, no friendship ever built up in a single day. Jaska's and Markus' fights kind of continued – however we began trusting each other, getting to know each other and learning about each other.

About a week went by since our first meeting and we settled in a small safehouse for a few days, stocking up our supplies and trying to recruit our strength, at least a little.

And even after this short time, I knew I found some great and special people in this apocalypse.

 

Olli – Our past life connected us in our own special way. He seemed small and weak, even for me as I saw him the first time, but he soon proved himself as a strong and good fighter. His surprisingly good skills eliminating The Others were one thing, still what I appreciated the most about him were his heart and mind, both bigger and wiser how I never saw it before.

He was a curious man, no question, and he took every possible chance to find out more things about his fellow groupmates. If he just investigated out of interest or if it was more than that for him was unsure, I didn't mind it to be honest.

At the same time, I could understand him, living in isolation makes you long for social contact – I knew about that just as much as he did. All in all, he may be my closes friend in this new world, he should be the first to know … as soon as it's time.

 

Markus – He was strong, a pure fighter and a good leader … and a difficult person. Nobody liked the fights between him and the soldier but it was his way to cope with problems.

He hates The Others, more than everything else on the new world. The proud leader took a while until he told us the reason why he hated everything and himself so much. It happened in the first evacuation, which of course was way too late. He had to watch his girlfriend dying right in front of his eyes. As he stood there, he stated, all the people running away, ignoring the couple in the storm of death … he realized that he officially died. He buried the woman of his heart next to their old home and escaped to the port. He was one of the few people who stayed, ignoring all three evacuations.

That was it when he rose as a new man. He never used insults and such explicit language ever before … before his world broke down. I kind of could understand him and his "new" behaviors but still …

We weren't amazingly close friends but respected each other, a good man with a terrible backstory.

 

Jani – The last who joined our group. He confessed about his fear of being lonely and that he would do everything to be a part of us. Markus growled around so Olli just accepted.

He was an amazing navigator, looking at his past career as a mailman, and knew the concept of cities and general architecture very well.

But as always, everyone had a backstory and his was pretty similar to Markus'. The second evacuation, he and his love got parted and due a terrible mistake Jani was left behind. He doesn't know about the whereabouts of his girlfriend, if she's still alive or already dead. If he had a goal, then finding her, either alive or at least her dead body. Our leader was deeply sure that she's dead, rotten or probably one of them. Jani however didn't listen to him and continued hoping and believing.

He's an innocent man, average fighter and all in all pretty silent. Still, he sure knew how to handle his chainsaw, wherever he stole it from.

 

Jaska – Our very own killing machine and guardian angel. He didn't talk much about his past and, what we actually were interested in, the scars all over his body and the wound in his face. We only knew that he and his unit were on a mission to eliminate one of the bigger hordes – with him being the only survivor. He hated himself that he escaped, left all his colleagues behind just to be alive. At the same time he was happy to finally be a free man, serving the people who needed help and were weak.

Just like the crying boy from the streets. They were together most of the time, mainly because Jari never wanted to let go of Jaska. May it be fear or just obsession, who knew.

The soldier, as we called him most of the time, wore his uniform with pride, he had enough reasons to be. No wonder he and Markus argued almost every day, most of the time solving it with a fight. I wondered how long this would go until one of them died because of the blood loss.

 

Jari – The stereotypical weakest part of the group which actually wasn't true. After all he could fight The Others and I couldn't. Still, he always stuck to someone, afraid of being left alone somewhere.

Looking beyond his seemingly weak skin, he was a pretty intelligent and clever man. Just as Olli he had a strong mind, which was added to the physical strength of the other members a pretty good thing.

He even told us who said "he" was, the man he mentioned after we found him on the sidewalk in tears. The poor boy happened to be a victim of abuse for his whole life, luck in an actual unlucky situation it was "only" physical, not sexual or in other ways. Still we all felt bad for him and understood his hate towards violence and other fights. Bad thing when the two tallest men constantly decided to punch each other.

He suffered under it, the most because Jaska was involved. I don't want to ramble about a possible relationship between them, but it's obvious the soldier was the one group member he trusted the most ... probably because of their first meeting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Time to begin the main story


	13. Fall Is Greeting [Jaska]

I sat on the roof and cleaned my favorite gun when I heard Jari's steps behind me. Sleepless again, no need for him to tell me because I knew, most of the time he joined my watches. The boy just didn't feel safe without me around so he stuck onto me in every situation possible.

We sat close to each other, the cold nighttime wind howling around us – Fall was greeting. We spent a while in silence, watching over the dark city. I couldn't remember when the electricity stopped working, to be honest. Just as I thought about when our next fight will be, I felt Jari's touch on my hand, his soft and quiet voice whispering 'Jaska, can I ask you something?'

His eyes observing me felt like ice running through my veins, I just nodded without comment.

'I thought you may know the answer, guessing by how you look like.' Now he had my attention, I gazed into his brown innocent eyes. Ignoring the pure darkness around us they were shining, just as diamonds.

'Do you know how being in love feels like?'

To be honest, I wasn't surprised by that question. I knew I looked like the biggest playboy ever but little did he know that I've never been in love. True, I fucked a good number of men and women but love? No, just letting go the stress from my army life.

'You know, I've never been in love. However, of what I heard about it, it must be beautiful. It fills you with a comfortable warmth when you look at the person you lost your heart to. You look at them and just know – This is the one, the only one.' I rambled about how I imagined the feeling must be.

An awkward stare formed between us, did we just move our heads closer to each other? What was my hand doing in his neck suddenly? I felt his uneven and heavy breath against my mouth, his grab around my hand tightened. 'J- Jari …' I hissed before I felt his soft and wet lips pressing against mine. A feeling impossible to describe rushed through my body, goosebumps formed on my skin. I wrapped my arms around the smaller man and roughly pulled him closer to deepen the kiss.

Just now I realized that I had feelings for him since our first meeting, doesn't matter if it was my overprotective trait or I actually fell in love with a random man – looking at that I never even felt love.

He gasped when I began using my tongue to explore his sweet tasting mouth even more. Shit, that whole situation just felt amazing.

'Jaska!' Jari purred as we finally parted again, leaving us panting in want and exhaustion.

'Now I know how being in love feels like.' the man grinned and gave me the cutest puppy-look ever.

'It's true what I heard … I think I love you.' I replied in a whisper.

A while was spent in silence, lustful looks and more wet kisses. How happy I was that our groupmates seemed to sleep and nobody knew what we were doing on top of that house.

'This stays between us, at least for a little.' Jari mentioned and I gave an agreeing nod. 'I don't want to know what Markus would think about us.' I gave a short laugh and pulled him closer again.

Of course we were a weird couple. The big, muscular and violent soldier together with the maybe weakest part of our group. I didn't care and neither did he.

 

In a split second I pushed Jari away from me as I heard Jani walking on the roof. My new partner gave me a confused look before he understood, way too late when the other man already stood behind us.

'Hey Jari, you up too? Anyway, time for my watch, time for you to sleep.' the man stated and waved his hand in direction of the ladder to symbolize us to leave and give him his time alone.

With an awkward silence between Jari and me we left and – just as fate wanted it – our sleeping places were next to each other.

'I love you.' my partner whispered as quiet as he could so nobody else would hear it. I couldn't help to smile like an idiot and just kiss him as reply.

Definitely how you warm the heart of a coldblooded soldier.


	14. Boredom [Olli]

'Is there a reason you don't fight them?' I asked into the silence between me and my friend. Jaska and Markus surprisingly didn't argue the whole day, they even went on a small scavenge walk together. Jani and Jari were outside also, gods knew what they were doing. As always they made me Marko's guard so I sat around with him – bored. Not that I didn't like Marko but already after one week it became quite annoying.

'Kind of, I guess. I actually don't talk about this.' the taller man mumbled as he began playing around with the knife in his hands. It was still new and freshly cleaned, never used.

'Are you one of those people who believe that these creatures are humans with feelings? Or that they are just misunderstood?' I asked, a slight undertone of sarcasm.

'The truth is, first of all I don't know how to fight – I'm too slow and not as quick as you all. I wouldn't be such a big help. Second … I- I can't kill humans. I know "they are no humans" and all this stuff but I knew they were such once and if we find the cure someday … what will be left to be cured? If one of us turns into one of them, would you all kill him too? Would you lock him up? Would you just leave him in this wasteland?' Marko threw the knife to the ground with full force and it stuck blade-first in the wooden planks.

'I … I can't answer these questions.' I stammered, he gave me something to think about. We haven't talked about this yet, even though one transformation already nearly happened in our rows. Luckily Jari didn't have these weird bugs or else we would miss an important part of us now.

'Nobody can that. Nobody is ready for such happening and when it happens, which is pretty clearly predictable, it is already too late to think about and that will lead us into a vicious circle.' Marko nodded and stood up to open the door. I didn't even notice that someone knocked.

'What happened?' I heard the tall blondie hiss. No answer from our two groupmates who now walked in. Jani was supporting Jari, who was obviously in pain … and not only a little. I jumped up to help the other man sitting Jari down on an old kitchen chair.

'He didn't get hurt in any way, we practiced fighting – no Undead involved – and a few minutes ago he just broke down, holding his leg.'

'His leg … shouldn't it be already healed …' Marko mumbled as he rolled up the left leg of the long-haired men's trousers, revealing a terrible looking wound. Jari twitched together as the blondie observed it but anyway tried to stay silent.

'I thought I cleaned it properly … it's infected.' Marko stated and gave Jari a worried look. The young man just sniffed and tried to hold back another panic attack.

'Hey, it is alright. We just need to find clean bandages, these old and dirty cloths just make it worse. No need to fear, it will just continue hurting until we find a pharmacy or something similar. You understand that?' the taller man rested his hand on Jari's lap and gave him a smile to give him new strength.

The other man just nodded and silently asked 'Is Jaska still away? What if he and Markus fought again, what if they are hurt, what if …'

'We are alright.' Markus' rough voice raised behind us and we all flinched around to look at him.

'Surprise surprise, still alive.' the bald man hummed and began to look through his bag.

'Surprise my ass, without me you would be dead.' Jaska hissed and threw his backpack on the ground. Markus just gave him a smirk and said 'You, Mäkinen, can go fuck yourself.'

 

They had a fight, definitely.


	15. My Captain [Jani]

I was more than just happy that I finally found a group I could join after what happened to the one before … still I needed to convince them to visit the safehouse of the second evacuation. It has been a month and I knew there was no human soul left but if I want to find her I need to search her.

I missed her and I suppressed the thoughts of what may happen if she died. It couldn't be, I felt her heartbeat in mine, she was still alive and she was well, definitely.

'We need to go into the city, we can't stay in these little houses any longer.' I stated as I and the group leader took a walk around our shelter.

'I won't risk the life of my guys just to search for your dead woman, for fucks sake. The city is full of these fuckers, we don't have the time and strength to fight them all.' Markus hissed and stomped on the ground with his heavy boots.

'We don't need to fight them. I know the city as good as my own home, all the secret streets, where to hide, where to find the things we need. Markus, Jari needs medical supplies which we can't find out here. If not for me, do it for him.' Of course I had my own plans in mind but I knew Markus would rather help Jari than me and to my surprise that tactic even worked.

'You are right. You suggest a time we should leave, mister navigator.' he stopped walking to return back to our place, I followed him.

'As stupid as it sounds but we should make our way in the middle of the night, my captain.' I answered.

'Captain, what a nice nickname … Anyway, nighttime? Are you sure?' he shook his head confused by my idea.

'They are more active at night, that's true … but trust me, it's way better than running around in the hot sun of summer, it still isn't autumn yet.' I stated and the leader just nodded. Trusting a stranger, hard decision for the boss of a group – after all I was a part of them anyway and I wouldn't lead them into death because it probably would be mine too.

Our journey should continue two days later, as long as no horde would attack our house.


	16. Scars And Other Demons [Jari]

Ignoring that my leg hurt like hell and walking was a pure torture, Jaska decided that he and I should go scavenging.

'The boy should stop whining, a hurt leg is no excuse!' he stated and pulled me out of our house the next day, before the night in which we planned to leave. Our new nicknamed Captain of course refused to let me go out but another disgusting punch from Jaska changed his mind. I hated their fights, it was horrible to look at … my boyfriend got hurt and damnit, violence isn't a solution! I didn't want to mention it though, not yet. Maybe the soldier would be sane enough to realize his partner suffers.

As soon as we were out of any possible view fields from our groupmates, Jaska put my backpack on his own and carried me bride-style the remaining way to his planned destination.

He was so freaking strong and muscular, truth was, in general he was such a handsome and hot man, I couldn't help it to smile into his shoulders as he held me firmly in his arms.

I watched as he put me down on the ground and stormed a small shack with some monsters waiting inside it. Few minutes later he walked out again, a blood-soaked uniform decorating his body.

'I'm not your housewife who cleans Their blood out of your clothes, love.' I smirked as he helped me up on my legs.

'Don't you worry, I'm my own housewife.' he pressed a smooch on my cheek and lead me into the small house.

As soon as he closed and locked the door, he gently pulled me down on the ground with him and initiated a passionate kiss.

'Do you really think I can resist to look at you and don't kiss you in front of our groupmates?' I grinned as I sat down on his lap.

'I'm afraid you need to but I find it hard to do so too. You're just so irresistible.' he hissed into my neck as he pulled off my scarf and softly sucked at my skin, leaving a hickey.

'We still can go scavenging, like this … just us two – alone.' I purred.

'Never ever I thought about that someone like you could have a side like this, such a needy side.' Jaska grinned as rested his hands on my hips.

'I just love my boyfriend, nothing more.' I nodded. It was true, actually my behaviors weren't based on being a horny dude but I just couldn't help it, having such a lover and finally living in a relationship free of abuse – at least I hoped at that point. I lived out feelings I never could, even if we just were together for a few days. I truly loved this violent bastard.

'You don't even know what love is.' Jaska stated and raised a brow.

'Neither do you, idiot.' I replied, pressing my finger against his chest.

'At least I shove my dick into more people than you.' he stated and looked at me with this selfish face of his.

'We're not talking about sex, Jaska!' I replied and "pushed" him firmly against the wall, against which he sat, by his shoulders. 'Love is no equivalent to sleeping with each other!'

'Yes, Jari, yes. Still, think about me and my non-existent feelings. Yes, I love you and feel it and what a wonderful new part of me you are but I didn't just randomly learn how to feel only because you kissed me. Judge me as much as you want, I don't fuck because I am in a relationship and need intimate boy contact, I fuck to release my inner tension and exhaustion.'

'… and you sure aren't a softie doing it.' I replied with and eyeroll on his poor explanation.

'Jari, I won't hurt you. I would never do things to you which you don't want to happen. I know what things you've been through, you are safe in my arms.' he promised me, trailing his hand over my cheek.

'Well, reducing your hateful violence would be a first step to make me feel safer in your said arms.' I coughed and slapped his hand away receiving a depressed sigh from him.

'This is not what you think it is … the violence – '

'The scar, huh?' I interrupted him and put my hand on his cheek in reverse. He only nodded as further reply and I pressed a kiss on his lips, whispering 'It's beautiful. It fits you so much.' and carefully let my finger wander over it. The scar felt hot and somehow bloody, a never fully healed wound, screaming out of his face.

'I have only half of my normal eyesight left on that side, maybe even less. Funny, isn't it? Aren't you disgusted by your partner having the right side of his face buried in blood and constant pain? he looked at me with a sad face.

'Take my shirt off.' I hissed, giving him a serious look. He should know about it, seeing he had his all over his face, impossible to not notice. I could hide mine, at least.

'Wha- … Jari, I-' he stammered and obviously didn't understand what I meant-

'Just do it, okay?' I grabbed his hands and lead them to the bottom buttons of my shirt. With trembling hands, he freed me step by step from my clothes, in the end revealing a torso full of ugly, old and horrible scars. He gasped, immediately stopping to touch my body. I moved a little away from him.

'As long as you aren't disgusted by my body and scars I won't judge you by yours or even think they would be disgusting somehow. Scars aren't marks from hell, their beauty always lays in the eyes of the person in front of you. And I am in love with yours.' I rambled and felt his hand carefully exploring my chest, touching the marks from time to time.

'Just looking at them hurts, shit.' Jaska gulped and closed my shirt again.

'Yours surely wasn't painless either.' I nodded and crawled back into his arms as I had my clothes back on.

We shared soft and sweet but also rough and hungry kisses, we tugged at each other's clothes. Hell, I think one could even hear some muffled moans out of that shack. We didn't sleep with each other, of course not yet. Still, these moments we spent in just between us two were too beautiful to describe. I loved him, so fucking much.

He even had a solution for the fact we would return with empty bags – he hid a bag with already collected supplies in exactly that shack.

As we arrived back at our house, my knees were still shaking. At least my leg stopped hurting.


	17. Traps [Olli]

We needed to leave to the city. Just as Markus I was against that decision but I kept my opinion for myself, no need for more fights based on things someone said, just to trigger another.

It was dark, darker than usual. Captain forbid us to use our flashlights, even though he himself said that the creatures have bad eyes. Walking in the night wasn't the worst thing though, by foot we would reach the city in around three days – looking at our slow walking speed. We successfully survived the first two nights, however it was clear that the third will bring problems.

We could already see the city in front of us when I heard a loud noise, followed by a muffled groan filled with pain. The past days the creatures left us alone if we were quiet but this sound will attract them in hordes, now that we reached the city border.

'Fuck!' Markus hissed and I could see his silhouette rolled together on the ground. Ignoring his order, I immediately snapped on my flashlight to check out what happened.

Bear traps? Really?

These were sidewalks, how could these come here? I gave a quick gaze around us with the light and spotted much more the way ahead us. Added to this I noticed Them in the distance, running towards the sound.

'Stand up! GO! STAND UP!' the soldier shouted and pulled the leader up on his legs, who shouted back at him in reverse 'GO FUCK YOURSELF!'.

Jaska ignored him and dragged him on the side of the road before we realized the horde all around us. Needless to say, everything escalated from there on. To explain it roughly, a giant fight broke out, gods knew what a giant horde attacked us there.

 

'No! NO!' the long haired screamed as I pulled him away from the fight between one of the houses on the opposite side of the street. 'Jaska is still in there, I can't leave him alone!' he continued and I pressed my hand on his mouth.

'Shut up or they will know about our escape!' I hissed and sat him down on the floor as I reached a hidden corner between some trash bags.

'J- Jaska …' Jari whined and watched the horde with tears in his eyes. I grabbed his chin and made him look at me. 'Listen. Jaska, Jani, Marko and Markus escaped. You see that house in the distance? The light in the windows? I saw how they ran away, they are safe and we are safe, no need to panic.' I hissed and let go of the other man again.

'W- we need to go to-'

'We need to go nowhere! We will stay here until the sun rises! Follow me!' I usually wasn't the guy randomly shouting around and freaking out but I just had to be in that moment. I stood up and went to look for a backdoor to that house – found one. I took my groupmate by his hand and lead him into the living room, where we quickly built up two sleeping places.

Then I let my caring side dominate again.

The younger man sat on his blankets, still in tears, his whole body trembling, I even heard him murmuring the soldiers name from time to time.

'Hey…' I crawled over to him 'Jari, pssht, it's alright' and wrapped my arms around him, burying him in a comforting hug. 'What is it with Jaska? Why do you worry so much about him?' I asked carefully. Not that I couldn't understand him, I was worried about Marko too and deeply hoped that he was alright and fine, still I didn't feel like breaking out in tears.

'Jaska and I … I- W- We … I can't survive without h- him.' Jari stuttered 'He and I … we … are lovers.' he added with a gulp and once again his eyes filled with new fears. So that was it … the soldier and the boy. To be honest, I wasn't much surprised but it still somehow astonished me. I mean, among our small group? A couple?

'That's … -'

'Weird, I know. We agreed on keeping it a secret but … who cares now.' he sniveled.

'It isn't weird. It's kinda cute, you both, and interesting.' I whispered and tightened my hug once again 'He is safe, don't worry. We will look after them as soon as the sun is out and the creatures are gone, I promise.' I nodded and slowly let go of him.

'Th- thank you, Olli.' he tried a smile through the tears and curled himself up in his blankets. Poor little man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things need to be said, I am not happy with this chapter xD


	18. Rivalry [Markus]

Who the fuck would lay out bear traps in a place where the next forest is miles away and bears don't even live? Jaska didn't think about freeing me from that thing and just pulled me away, now I sat on the ground of another house, countless sharp metal jags stuck in my lower leg. Not that it hurt, the fact that I couldn't move bothered me.

'Couldn't you just, you know, destroy this trap, mister master soldier?' I complained and only received a slight slap from Jaska's gun, again.

'Shut up, fucktard.' he hissed and turned back to the window 'Please be alright, please …' he mumbled.

'Are you and the boy fucking each other or why do your asses hang so much at each other?' I laughed and watched as Marko finally gave his attention to me. Jaska turned around, looked at me like I just insulted his family, and said, completely confident and calm 'We fuck each other, quite literally. What's about it?' I could see that dirty grin on his face.

'So … you and Jari are a thing?' Jani, who was searching the things needed to bandage my wound, asked kind of excited.

'Yes, we are.' the soldier nodded, not taking his gaze away from the darkness.

How. Disgusting.

I groaned as Jani opened the trap and Marko quickly cleaned the wound and stopped the bleeding with a dirty cloth. Of course, I didn't scream like the boy, that pain was nothing compared to other things I had to endure before. A few minutes rest, then I was on my legs again.

It did hurt but after all the other guys should keep their worries about me for themselves. I symbolized Marko and Jani to take a few steps away while I walked closer to Jaska.

He did expect me but what he didn't expect was getting his head slammed against the window, giving the glass a small crack. I slapped the gun out of his grip and pressed his hands on his back as in a police grab.

'Markus, wha-' the soldier complained but didn't move against my attack – interesting.

'Would Jari-boy be sad if I would add another scar to your face? Shit, you are so fucking annoying, do you even realize that? You feel like you are the king of the world but you are just another dog in a giant pile of shit. It was only a matter of time until you start fucking one of us because you can't hold your dick in your pants! You disgust me, you disgust me so much I want to puke every time I see your ugly face.' I spat into his face after finishing my speech and gave him a kick with my knee into his back.

'If you dare to hurt me with your gun or whatever you have again, just the smallest scratch, I will project it on Jari. If you care about the boy you better keep your hands away from me. You understand that? Huh?! You understand me?' I shouted into his ear and tightened my grip around his wrists.

The whole time I was surprised about his calmness, he didn't even fight against my threatening. Even now as I expected his answer he just nodded confidently and stated 'I understand.'

'Good for you!' I hissed but didn't think about letting him go.


	19. The City [Marko]

Just as Markus was distracted enough by his shouts and violence, Jani smashed his gun into Captain's neck – the soldier taught him how to knock out a person with a single hit – and I pulled the furious but now unconscious leader away from Jaska.

'Second time someone needs to knock him out, that man has a serious problem.' Jaska commented as if nothing of all that threatening just happened. To Jani and my surprise, he dragged the leader over to his sleeping place and let him get his senses back there. Either Jaska had an extremely strong self-control or we missed something.

'That's it, Jari and I are a couple. Any other homophobes in this room?' he asked, eyed me and the navigator and placed himself on his own "bed". 'Jani, you take the watch. There are only three or four hours left of the dark, that should be possible to survive for someone like you, yes?'

'Yeah, sir.' Jani nodded and made his way upstairs.

'Don't call me sir, I am no soldier anymore …' Jaska mumbled as he freed himself from the jacket of his uniform before he placed himself on the blanket.

There were questions in the thick, anger filled air but I decided to keep them for myself. Jaska was triggered enough and I didn't plan to be the next one with a gun in my neck. Before I went to my place I gave a look out of the window into the house Jari and Olli searched shelter in. They were alright and well, no worries. And The Others won't hurt us more tonight than they already did, that's what I promised myself.

 

As soon as the sun greeted through the windows Jaska jumped up and ran out of the house, I followed him with fast steps, I wasn't in the mood to be in the same room as Markus, not after what happened the night before.

We walked over to the safehouse of the two smaller guys and found them – still asleep – on their blankets after we broke in through the backdoor. I watched Jaska as he kneeled down next to his partner, stroking through the long brown strands of hair.

'You are … so beautiful.' Jaska sighed as he carefully tried to wake up the younger man. It surprised me, to see such a caring a lovely side of Jaska. He always said he had no things such as feelings but what I saw there spoke more than thousand words. A typical sheep in wolf's clothing. I decided to let them be and instead gave my attention to the other man.

'Marko!' exclaimed my fellow blondie as his and my eyes met. I smiled and replied 'I am so happy you both are alive and well – at least I hope you are well?' I pulled Olli up on his feet. It was cute how he was only a little taller than the height of my shoulders, I noticed.

'Only a few scratches, nothing big.' Olli nodded and gave Jari a quick look who was busy hugging the life out of Jaska.

'Bugs?' I asked, just to be sure.

'Nope. Or do you insist on checking if I say the truth?' the man gave me a dirty grin and I couldn't hold back a loud laughter. 'Olli!' I gave a soft punch against his shoulder, shook my head with a chuckle and turned to the lovebirds.

'We should go back, I want to see Markus' face when he sees you two.' I stated with a laugh, Jaska replied with a not and hissed 'Such an asshole.' with a smile on his face.

 

The captain remained silent when the whole group was re-united. Either he knew Jaska would give him back what he started or he just didn't dare to say something in front of everyone. Whatever it was, even if he was our leader – through that action he lost a shit ton of respect, from all of us.

-

Finally we made it into the city, more or less happy about what we found there. Our first safehouse was set in an obviously abandoned hotel, we locked the upper levels so The Others could continue their lives up there, without standing in our way. However, I had the luck of having two violent groupmates so we had to fight a few of Them after all. I stayed in the back, shaking my head over it as always.

They don't know what they are doing – they are just killing, killing everything that's different from our human race.

 

Living in the hotel for around two days we finally decided to go scavenging, two groups. Olli, Jani and Markus in the one, me, Jaska and Jari in the other.

Olli's group checked out the stores and houses on the area left to the hotel – my group decided for the right side.

Our bags were already nearly filled to the maximum when we checked out the last shop on our "list" – just another usual grocery shop.

 

'Jari! Look what I found!' I heard the soldier's voice with that weird laughing undertone. The younger man, who was checking out the shelves on the opposite side of the store together with me looked up and turned into Jaska's direction.

'What is it?' Jari asked.

'You need to see it.' Jaska chuckled. Jari sighed, twitched his shoulders and made his way through the shelves, I followed him. Not because I was certainly interested in what Jaska found but letting me alone is no good idea.

'What did y- … JASKA!' the younger man was heard laughing before he was shut up by his boyfriend through a kiss. Now I actually was interested in what it would be so I stepped closer to the kissing couple – an innocent looking package in Jaska's hand.

'You sure we will use them someday?' Jari stated.

'Only with your consent. I won't force you. You can just say no, okay?' the soldier switched to his inner sheep again, his caring and loving side. I managed to pull the package out of his grip, only to end up suppressing a chuckle.

'Condoms? Really?' I gave the lovers an obviously kidding judging look. Not that I found something weird about that, it just made me laugh how happy two people could be over such a simple thing.

The apocalypse, I almost forgot about it.


	20. Promise [Jaska]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (little) explicit sexual content warning

'Be careful, please.' Jari whimpered as Marko carefully removed the dirty and bloody bandage from his leg to change it to a clean one which the other three guys found the day before. I held my lover in my arms to distract him from any possible pain.

'What I would give for a proper medical knowledge now, I hope this will at least stop the bleeding.' Marko muttered as the old bandage was fully removed, revealing a horrible mess of blood, ripped off skin and some kind of greasy stuff covering it. I felt how Jari flinched as he eyed his own leg.

'Need to clean it again. Try not to scream, okay?' Marko looked into my partners eyes on which he just nodded.

'I am with you, everything's going to be fine.' I whispered and breathed a smooch on Jari's cheek. He dug his nails in my arm as the older man wiped the cloth over his leg but stayed surprisingly quiet.

'Good boy.' Marko smiled and petted my boyfriend's head 'The worst thing is over.'

The new white bandage was wrapped around the wound and Jari sighed happily 'Feels much better already. Thank you, Marko.' he nodded and then faced me. 'You said that you have a plan, earlier this day?'

He did not forget, luckily. 'If you feel okay with your leg we can go, if you want.' I stated and stood up, pulling him with me.

'It's alright, I can take it.' he huffed as he gave some weight on the left foot.

'I can carry you, as soon as we are out of sight.' I whispered into his ear as quiet as I could and then pressed my lips on his.

'Gosh, take your gay shit elsewhere and don't annoy us all with it!' Markus complained as he watched us sharing our love. I wasn't sure if his threatening when I made the relationship "official" were meant honest or if he just acted out of anger – I knew that case just too good – so I held myself back to not give him a beloved slap with the well-known gun.

'You, Captain, are the only one who is annoyed. Can't you just let them both be and care about your own problems?' Olli replied before I or Jari could do so.

'Just … goddamnit!' Markus cursed, stood up and walked into the direction of his room.

'Idiot.' Jari chuckled amused.

 

Hand in hand we were walking through the empty city. The Rats were hidden inside the countless houses, to our advantage – wouldn't want to spend this date with killing those animals. The air was surprisingly clear, not as foggy as in the wasteland. I wondered if we were the only humans or if somewhere another group was seeking for shelter.

A sudden twitch at my hand ripped me out of my thoughts, Jari stopped walking and pulled me back.

'Jaska! Look!' he pointed into a shop window. Unsure about what he wanted to walked back and let my eyes wander through the glass on the inside of the shop. Destroyed, dirty and – what caught Jari's attention – a still quite fine-looking leather jacket.

'What's with it?' I asked.

'You would look great in it. Come on, let us get it!' my boyfriend began leading me to the door.

'Jari, I am not sure if … ' I confessed my concern about walking into random shops only as a couple. However, before I could say something we already stood inside and my lover held the jacket into my direction. I couldn't say no to him when he looked at me with his puppy dog eyes, so I took the piece of cloth out of his hands and threw it over my shoulders, it fit surprisingly well.

'Woah … you look so … freaking handsome.' the other man muttered and stepped closer. I felt the warmth of his hands on my chest, carefully stroking over the jacket's material. Just as we closed our distance to kiss I heard a growl out of the store's back rooms. I wrapped my right arm around Jari, pulling him closer, the left hand grabbed the gun attached to my belt.

'Rats.' I mumbled and carefully observed the darkness 'Backing up or fighting?'

'Kill.' Jari hissed to my surprise, I raised my brow at him. Only now I noticed he still ran around with that stupid knife, that boy should learn how to shoot. He held said knife in his hands and readied himself to fight.

'No need for you to dirty yourself, let daddy do the work.' I grinned somehow proudly and rested my finger on the gun's trigger. One confident step after another I walked into the dark in the back of the shop, only to get greeted by one of those rats laughing in my face.

Boom. History.

'Clean.' I stated and soon I felt Jari's hands against me again.

'Jaska, say … do you have them with you?' my partner asked in a kind of creepy undertone after some wet and long kisses,

'What do you mean?' confused, I looked into his eyes.

'You know …' he carefully pulled the jacket off my arms again. Oh, I understood.

'Jari, are you sure you want to do this? I don't want to push you to do things … ' I mentioned worried, I usually didn't care about the feelings of my partners but Jari wasn't just another sex-doll for my uses.

'I am sure … ' he mumbled and let the leather jacket drop on the floor. I wanted his full consent, not a mumbled quick yes. I pushed his face up by his chin and stated 'I want you to look into my eyes and say it with full honesty. I don't want to do things we both regret.'

He rolled his eyes but in the end said 'I am sure, Jaska. With my full consent. Or else I would not have asked.'

That was all I needed to return his actions on him.

Getting rid of our clothes was the easiest part, I ended up sitting on the floor against the wall, Jari sitting on my lap. He was torturing my neck with his lips as I sighed 'Is this really happening? You and me?'

'One hundred and ten percent.' my partner nodded and began preparing himself for the thing that followed. Not that I was afraid of sleeping with my partner, now that we were already this far to do it, but I had this little devil in my head telling me I should watch out. It didn't keep me from being deeply aroused by my partner though.

I just hoped that nobody – rat or human – would randomly walk in to us, that would've been awkwardly embarrassing.

It went smoother than expected, seemed like I wasn't the only one with experience – which I embraced with open arms. Experienced partners meant more focus on the real thing than explaining where the dick belongs. He was hot, outside as inside, his hair was messy, the glasses not quite at their right place and the scars weren't giving uncomfortable feelings anymore. Scars belong to one's boy just like skin color, nothing to shame about – and damn, I couldn't see much of Jari's body in this darkness but of all I could see I only looked at someone beautiful. The sounds that reached the thick air in that small backroom reminded me to our "first date", just with the difference we actually did the thing. Hearing this would at least alert people with common sense so the worries about getting caught left me quickly.

It didn't take us long to find our releases, with a partner as Jari I knew I wouldn't last very long.

There we laid, two half naked men on a dusty floor in a weird clothing store … how long did we know each other again? Jari laid curled together in my arms, not a single word was spoken between us but the feelings said more than every word I knew. It wasn't an awkward silence – it was more like … appreciating what happened in the last minutes.

'Promise to never leave me.' Jari whispered after a while, finally breaking the silence.

'I won't, no matter what happens.' I replied, pulled his face closer to mine and gave him a last passionate kiss before he fell asleep with his head resting on my chest. I stayed awake, not only because someone needed to listen for people or rats approaching – I just couldn't believe which luck I had to meet this wonderful man in this broken world.


	21. Who To Trust And Who Not [Olli]

'You guys ready to go?' the voice of the leader raised and I turned into his direction, confused about his question. As far as I knew, our planned day of leaving to the next safehouse was set in three days, so what was Markus talking about? I quickly found out when Jani interrupted his work and said 'I am, ask Jaska.'

'Yes, give me a minute.' the soldier replied and woke up the man who was resting on his chest. Curious as I was I followed their conversation secretly while the two other men readied to go outside, Marko was found sleeping in one corner of the big room.

'Wake up, I need to leave.' Jaska stroked his hand through his boyfriend's hair.

'Wha- What …?' Jari looked up confused and searched for his glasses laying right beside him. Jaska straightened himself up and raised a brow at the other man 'What is so difficult to understand about "I need to leave"?'

'Leaving? Where?' the smaller man replied as he finally made it to put on his glasses, Jaska was busy with his boots in the meantime.

'Going out, killing some bastards.' Markus answered Jari's question with a grin 'Me, Jani and Jaska.'

'Jas- … Jaska you won't leave me alone here, will you? You are joking!' Jari began panicking and pulled at his partners sleeve as said person wanted to stand up.

'Jari, I am not your mother, Olli and Marko are still here so I don't see a problem. I couldn't relief my stress yesterday so now some stupid rats will be my victims.' the soldier ripped his arm out of Jari's grip and checked if he had his guns attached to his belt – one wasn't enough it seemed.

'You can't go, not with Markus. Not just because it's fun. What if you – one of you gets hurt?' Jari raised himself now and blocked his boyfriend from walking towards the door.

'Not with me? I won't rip him in pieces as soon as we are out there, as much as I find your couple thing disgusting, Jaska is still the best fighter I ever encountered in my life. Look at us, nothing will happen. We know how this thing works, not like this guy over there.' Markus pouted and nodded at Marko. I held myself back of giving a defending comment, I didn't want to thicken the air even more.

'Jari just stop being so over-worried, okay?' Jaska hissed and pushed the youngest man back on the couch they both just sat on.

'You promised me something yesterday, less than twelve hours ago! Have you already forgotten about last night? Am I just another fuckable ass to you, after all?' Jari suddenly raised his voice to a shout, to our surprise Jaska didn't even flinch a centimeter. A growl from the corner was heard, the sudden upcoming fight even woke up Marko.

'I am not leaving you, Jari. I am going to follow my hobby! Be happy that I keep you safe from my violence, oh you don't even realize how lucky you are – just ask Markus. And don't you start crying like a bitch now! You are staying here with Olli and Marko! Point, no further comment!' Jaska replied in a tone which made us all shudder. The relationship made us all forget what an aggressive human he actually was.

'J-'

'NO, JARI!' the soldier immediately interrupted every reply, grabbed his bag from the ground and left the room, Markus behind him. Jani walked over to me, patted my shoulder and said 'Please, take care of him.' before he followed the other two. I just nodded in reply and watched as the long-haired man broke out in tears … again.

 

Before I could stand up I already found Marko sitting down next to the man, wrapping his arms around Jari. 'It's alright, nothing will happen to them. Jaska will calm down, just wait until he's back.' the blondie whispered and wiped away the wet stains from Jari's cheeks.

'H- How can you be so sure th- that nothing happens to t- them?' the brown-haired man sniveled, took off his glasses and rubbed over his eyes.

'Just believe me, little one.' Marko replied in a whisper.

'What happened yesterday?' I asked when I felt like Jari calmed down again, at least a little.

'J- Jaska and I had … had intimate body contact … for the first time.' the man stammered and looked ashamed at the floor.

'We aren't like Markus, Jari. You don't have to be afraid of idiotic comments about you and Jaska's relationship. You can be totally open about it, we even keep the secrets for ourselves, I swear and Marko' the older man nodded 'swears it too.' I tried to calm him. I wanted him to know that he can trust us, no matter what. I didn't even need to ask Marko about his opinion, I just knew he felt the same.

'Th- Thank you … can I be honest?' Jari finally raised his gaze at me.

'Of course, nobody will judge.'

'I am … afraid … of Markus.' he quietly stated. No surprise after what Marko told me happened between the two "leader-persons". But Jari actually shouldn't know about it and I couldn't believe that Jaska told him.

'I am afraid of Markus **and** Jaska.' Marko exclaimed, receiving confused looks from us other both. 'Ignoring recent happenings, both of them are ticking time bombs. They have the violence in their blood. Jari, at least you don't need to fear about Jaska, he will always treat you with respect. But please, watch out for Markus. You are a strong man but Captain only sees pure weakness in you, just as in me. Keep it like that, let him live in that belief – there will be a day you need to prove him your true self. Take care of yourself, okay?'

'We will support you, no matter what comes.' I added with a smile and received a hug from the smaller man.


	22. Bound To Happen [Markus]

The whole afternoon was spent in endless killing sprees through the houses, ripping open every single one of those bastards. Needless to describe how much fun Jaska and I had, Jani stayed rather in the background but that was understandable.

The sun was already going down when we headed back to the hotel. A thought twitched through my mind, let's see if Jaska held the promises he made to me.

'And? How does fucking him in the ass feels like? Must be pretty ti-' I mentioned with a grin and – of course – immediately felt myself slammed against the nearest cold stone wall. Oh poor Jari …

'How you dare to say such things, huh? Do you really think I care about your ridiculous threats?' his grab tightened around my neck, his left hand was raised in the air, formed to a fist. I wasn't afraid of him. He knew about the consequences of his actions and that he brought his oh so beloved boyfriend into great danger, every step he went further.

'You should care, I am not afraid of you, Mäkinen.' I hissed and spat into his face on which I felt a fist punching my nose as reply. I could taste blood – this is how it began. The grip tightened even more, breathing was a thing of luck but I didn't even dare to think about showing weakness. He lowered his fist and moved his head closer to my ear.

'I tell you something, once and for all. If you ever dare to touch Jari in any way, if you ever dare to just look at him in the wrong way, if you dare to have these dirty little thoughts about him ever again … I will fucking kill you. This is no empty threatening, Markus. More people died through my hands than you will ever imagine in your stupid little head. Remember this, "Captain", I am not afraid of death, pain or torture – you should be the one fearing this.' he hissed in a tone which made me shiver but I refused to give in.

'Fuck yourself.' I whispered back and kicked my knee up between his legs. Jaska jumped back and gave me this "You will regret this"-face of him. I was ready.

I wasn't ready.

One does not simply start a fight with a full trained soldier.

I made it to hit him a few times, I left some bruises on his face and upper body, the blood dripped down his lips. Truth needed to be said I was horribly fucked. Ignoring the endless wounds he left me with, I had the feeling at least one of my ribs wasn't quite alright anymore. I could see how the red liquid flowing out of the cut over my eye reddened and blurred my vision.

I laid on the ground, defeated, swimming in a puddle of blood.

'I will say it again, touch Jari and I will break your neck quicker than you can scream for help. Dirty piece of shit.' the soldier snorted 'Jani! Enough watching, help me bringing him back to the others!' he added with a shout and I saw the man approaching before a strong grab from Jaska startled me. The man who just nearly killed me … he wrapped my arm around his shoulder, Jani mirrored the soldiers' actions and with fast but careful steps we reached our safehouse after a short while, just as the night gathered.

Jaska was a violent bastard, that's a fact. Still he knew how to treat his enemies with respect. The thought about torturing Jari didn't even dare to slip back into my everyday sick mind, though.


	23. Injuries [Jari]

Curled up I laid on the big hotel bed, wrapped into my blanket, cuddling with Jaska's pillow. It smelled like him.

'You two lovebirds, it warms my heart.' the blondie sitting next to me on the bed chuckled. Marko asked for some time alone so Olli stayed with me, we both were bored anyway. It was already getting dark outside and so the worries inside my head became worse every further minute.

'What if something happened to them? What if they are hurt?' I mumbled instead of replying to Olli.

'They have Jaska, nothing happened to them. Always thinking about the worst case isn't good, you know?' he stated and patted my shoulder.

'Jaska is only a human, after all. He may be a soldier, a fearless killing machine and as violent as _him_ , that's all true but you probably noticed the scar. He is not invincible. He's made of the same flesh as you and I. Bad things happen every now and then.' I rambled and let out a trembling sigh. I wasn't even sure if he cared about my worries and thoughts as much as I did with his, remembering how he shouted at me. I was responsible for that outburst of him but still …

'Jari, hey … don't cry.' Olli tried to wrap his arm around me but I gently pushed him away from me.

'I am not crying.' I hissed and threw the pillow aside. Internally I was crying like a waterfall but I knew if I want to finally get accepted by Markus I need to stop being a whiny bitch. The strong ones survive in the world of death, not those who need constant protection. I had been through so much shit through all my life … Then I finally get blessed with freedom and I still stick to a violent bastard – why am I like this.

 

'You sure aren't crying?' a familiar deep sounding voice made me look up from the bed.

'Jaska!' I exclaimed and tried to unwrap myself from the blanket which embarrassingly ended with me slamming down the bed on the ground next to it. I heard my partner laughing together with Olli, then I heard his heavy steps next to me before I got picked up and ended up in my lovers' arms.

'Hey.' Jaska whispered but as soon as the light hit his face, all my happy thoughts left me. Blood stains all over his nose, some of the red liquid still dripped down his lips. His uniform, even through the camouflage, was decorated with bloody scratches – I gasped.

'Just a fight with Markus, nothing bad. He is much worse hurt.' in the moment he mentioned that, a deep growl full of pain filled the room next to ours.

'I will go and ask if they need help.' Olli hissed and ran out of the room. I looked after him as Jaska laid me back down on the bed and placed himself on the edge of it. I felt his hand running through my hair.

'You are beautiful.' Jaska muttered and pressed a sudden kiss on my lips. He tasted like blood and dirt – not as enjoyable as he probably thought but I liked it anyway. As we shared our love with each other I pulled him on the bed so he ended up laying on his back. I wiped away the blood from my mouth and began cleaning him up with a cloth.

'You are such a dirty man, mister Mäkinen.' I grinned and received a smile from him. 'How often did I tell you not to play in the dirt? How about Markus though … how does he look like?' I added.

'I think I broke his rib.' Jaska stated. He did what?

'Why did you two start fighting anyway? Was it because of –'

'I am sorry that I shouted at you, I shouldn't do such things to you, you deserve so much better than another guy shouting at you.' he interrupted me and put his hand on my cheek, gently brushing his thumb over my lips. I have him a brief smile and then continued rubbing off the dried blood on his chin.

'It was because of you.' Jaska stated as his handsome face was finally clean again and he sat up. I wasn't surprised about it, that I was the reason Markus had a broken bone now. I put my hands on his cheeks and connected our lips again.

'He threatened to torture you if I ever hurt him again … and then he tried to mock me by asking inappropriate questions about our love life. I promise you, Jari, that man will never even look at you in a wrong way, this man will never have the chance to make you feel unsafe. Markus messed with the wrong couple.' he nodded and dug his hand firmly into my hair.

'I … I can take care of myself, Jaska. I don't need a bodyguard.' I shook my head and let my hand wander over his bloody uniform. 'You have wounds under that too.' I added, blocking his answer. Carefully I began unbuttoning his uniform, receiving a dirty grin from the man laying in front of me.

'We haven't talked much about yesterday. Everything alright?' my lover mentioned his concern as I pulled the uniform down his arms, revealing the grey shirt which slowly changed its color into an amazing warm tone.

'Do you want me to analyze our sex now?' I laughed and let my warm hands wander under the shirt, touching his rough skin. I felt a single deep breath from his side, following 'Well, tell me if you liked it or stuff. I have no fucking idea.' he gave a short laugh.

'Of course I didn't like it, I only came all over your chest and hissed how much I love you the whole time. Jaska, you are stupid.' I chuckled as I pulled the blood-soaked shirt over Jaska's head, revealing his interesting looking upper body. It wasn't as scarred as mine, still there were some old marks next to the fresh fight wounds. Muscular, just as one would imagine a soldier, and two amazingly colorful tattoos decorating his strong arms. To be honest, I haven't paid much attention to them yet.

'What's it with those tattoos?' I asked curiously as I also wiped away the dried blood on his chest.

'Symbols of strength, power and elegance – my view on important things in life buried under my skin forever. I'm kidding, dragons are badass.' he laughed and I couldn't hold back to do the same.

'Idiot.' I shook my head with a smile and cleaned up the remaining wounds on his body. A boyfriend free of blood, what does one want more?

 

The sounds faded away, either Markus accepted his fate or he simply fell asleep. Truth was, that actual small fight threw around our whole plan about leaving – depending on if Markus could walk or not. Nobody interrupted us further, the remaining night was all Jaska and mine.

I was looking into his eyes. A cold blue burning as the biggest fire on the world. They were full of strength and weakness at the same time, after all the right one was covered in a very slight grey fog. His scar …

'Soon, alright? When we are at a calmer place, I promise.'

He seemed to feel it when people thought about the mark. Carefully I trailed my finger over it, hot as the said fire in his eyes.

Was it an accident … or was the strong man not as strong as everyone thought?


	24. That Is Not You [Jani]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It escalates xD

Once again I tried to hold back the tears woken by my memories and hopes, still the wet drops found their way down on the dirty paper laying in front of me. While I was trying to write down at least her name, Marko and Olli tried to patch up Markus – we brought him from the "living room" into his and my quarter. He promised us he had no pain and was perfectly fine but the sounds he made as soon as Marko inspected his wounds proved the exact opposite. That man couldn't even walk properly without dying of pain – totally "perfectly fine".

'You shouldn't move too much the next days. A broken rib isn't a little scratch that heals in a day.' the oldest of us explained and received an accepting growl from the Captain.

'Jani, are you okay?' the soft voice of the smaller blondie reached my ear and I turned into his direction. 'Are you … crying?' he immediately put his hands on my shoulder and took a worried look into my eyes. I nodded silently and pointed at the piece of paper where the light blue ink formed the name of the love of my life.

'You are writing a letter? Should it reach her or is it there for writing down your feelings?' he asked carefully while stroking his hands over my shoulders.

'Both, I guess.' a sad sigh left my lips and the hurt man from the other corner of the room exclaimed 'When will you realize that she's dead and there is no reason in crying over it every fucking single day?'

At this point my body took over, thinking clear was impossible during the acting out of emotions. Unconsciously my left hand wrapped around my good old chainsaw and I raised from my chair. This would've been the moment for Olli or Marko to stop me but they refused.

'Listen here you little motherfucker. Only because your bitch died and got eaten up or whatever happened there you aren't allowed to ruin other people's lives now! You may have no feelings or similar shit left but this doesn't give you the right to torture all those who have some hope left inside of them! I don't know if she's alive or not but neither do you – so keep your fucking mouth shut until we know the truth, okay?' I raised my voice and put both hands around my weapon. That's when I felt Marko's arm against my chest.

'Don't.' he whispered calmly and held me in a safe distance to my "victim". Markus' face was motionless, I couldn't decide if he was upset, scared or totally chill about my reaction.

'Oh, I understand it now!' I added 'I understand why you hate Jaska's and Jari's relationship so much. Your little brain thinks, if you can't have a happy relationship then nobody should have one. You hate it to see me having hope that my girlfriend is still alive and you fear the day we find out she is. You hate it to see those two guys being happy together, not because you are homophobic – that's not you – you hate them because they found love in an apocalypse while you had bad luck with yours. Is it that what you feel? You deserve that broken bone so much. Man, I would cut your head off you wouldn't be a good person in heart after all. Not only Jaska's – this is also my last warning. You are the leader, behave like a leader.' I threw my weapon aside, grabbed the piece of paper together with the pen and left the room. One second longer together with him and I would've exploded.

Olli followed me but stayed silent about the sudden rage.

Instead, he brought back the actual topic. Strange man.

'You know where the second evacuation took place?'

'Military base, just a few miles away from here, outside the city.' I answered. What was his intention?

'Are there still people left?' he continued asking.

'No, all three evacuations were brought to the big military city on the other side of the country, I hope you spent enough time on land to know it. If there are people left alive, then there.' I rambled and a little light bulb shined up in my head. Why didn't I think earlier of this?


	25. The Military Base [Olli]

'I start to wonder how you convinced Jaska to let us both go.' Jani asked as we walked through an old factory hall, a shortcut to the base outside the city. I wasn't sure what would expect us there and if we would return unharmed – however I knew it would be the best for Jani and I had the belief we may find a better place to live there.

'I told him we go scavenging, he doesn't even know we planned to break into an abandoned military area. If we get hurt we are screwed so better take care of yourself.' I laughed and patted the other man's shoulder.

'Are you aware of that you … lied … to our leader.' Jani outed his sudden concern after another small while of walking through the sideways of the houses at the border of the city.

'Jaska is not our leader, Jani.' I grabbed his arm and stopped our little journey. 'Markus is.'

'You weren't there when Jaska attacked Captain, you don't know how dangerous that man is. He is a soldier, his job is it to be a leader. What was Markus' job before? He was a boat mechanic, electrician, he can't rule our group.' Jani stated and I just replied with a shaking head.

'Do you really want to judge someone by their jobs before this shit happened? Markus is a good leader, he knows as much about surviving as Jaska.' I exclaimed and continued my way to the wasteland.

'I don't judge them by their jobs, have you ever looked at them? Markus is a heartless killer, a man full of hate against The Others, his only goal is to get the revenge for his dead girlfriend. Jaska, on the other hand, may look like a heartless fighter but have you seen how he handles Jari? He knows what to do, the right and wrong decisions. He hates Them as much as Markus but Jaska knows the difference between friend and enemy.' the other man explained and to be honest, the moment he said it, it sounded pretty plausible.

However, I was loyal to Markus. After all he did for me, how he taught me living in the new world – I didn't have much to pay back except my promise to stay on his side. I decided to say nothing more about the topic and the rest of the way we remained silent.

 

'There it is. Looks pretty empty to me though.' I murmured as we stood in front of the big metal gate of the military base.

'That's what I told you, they all went to the city.' Jani stated and I just gave a laugh.

'All?' I pointed at a few lifeless bodies as we pushed open the gate – it was unlocked, to my surprise.

'The most.' the mailman admitted and looked around as we stepped into the seemingly giant area of the base. The first thing which caught my gaze was a red note board standing only a few meters away from us, a giant poster saying:

_"We left for Falkenhall, may god bless whoever reads this."_

'Is that the military city?' I turned around to my buddy but he was already distracted by something else. I watched as he walked over to a big pile of paper laying next to the board. To be honest, I thought it was trash.

'Letters.' Jani mumbled nearly soundless. 'Maybe she …'

'We should get the other guys.' I stated and pulled him away from the pile.

'We just arrived, we can't … '

'RUN!' I shouted and grabbed his hand. Startled he looked around before he finally realized the horde running towards us. 'THE GATE, QUICK!' I added and together we pushed it closed again, trying to lock it with a stick somehow.

'Let us go back, let us get the others. All these houses, I think I've even seen some water tanks – we could live here, at least for a while.' I explained while catching my breath.

'What about that horde?' Jani replied and pointed at the poorly locked gate with a shaking hand.

'We have Jaska.' I answered coldly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dramatic.


	26. The Leader [Jari]

'You did WHAT?' my boyfriend raised his voice in a strict but not certainly aggressive tone. Olli and Jani just silently stood in the room, they kind of looked like two boys who just misbehaved and now they get their punishment. To all of our surprise, Jaska wasn't upset because they went somewhere else than agreed … more because of something weirdly obvious. 'Why do you visit a military base without a soldier? It's not like you randomly have on in your team.'

'If we did take you with us, Jari would turn crazy being parted of his partner again, Marko can't fight and Markus can't even move.' Olli explained in a similar tone to Jaska's 'Listen, as short as we were there … I see a better alternative to live in it. This hotel, I get sick of the creatures' sounds, the constant fear of a horde, scavenging every day to keep us alive. The evacuation, they left stuff behind, useful stuff we could use.'

'Letters.' Jani added, interrupting Olli.

'Why should we leave the possibly best location to survive for an abandoned military base which was left behind by thousands of people, the military itself?' Jaska asked, probably ignoring everything Olli said about their discoveries.

'Because I decide to do so.' an unexpected voice made us all turn around. Markus leaned against the doorway, his hand tightly gripped around his torso.

'You shouldn't walk already.' Marko quickly jumped up from his place and walked over to the leader to support him.

'I don't care what I should do and what not. We will leave.' Markus groaned, I joined the taller blondie and helped to place the other man on the couch we had in the same room. Done with that, Jaska shove us both gently aside and kneeled down next to him.

'You can barely walk, Markus. We can't leave with you being in this state.' my lover almost whispered, his rival just gave a laugh.

'What rank are you?' the leader asked as reply.

'My … my rank?' Jaska questioned.

'You are in the army, you wear a uniform – what's your rank?' Markus repeated.

'Officer.'

'You are a leader, huh?' the mechanic carefully sat up a little and grinned at the soldier.

'I lead my unit into death, I am no leader.'

'You are mine now.'

'I … what?'

It was silent. Everyone understood what Markus said but nobody could understand what he meant. It had to look funny, a group of people standing around two men who almost killed each other, talking like friends.

'You are our leader, Markus.' Olli exclaimed out of the silent corner.

'I don't want to be your leader. I can't handle it, all the responsibilities, decisions I have to make, people I have to keep safe … I wanted to kill you, Jaska, for no reason at all. You paid it back to me, I understand, but you helped me after giving back what I deserved. I can feel how much you hate me and you still behave like a normal human being around me – this is a true leader. The group is yours and I am just a part of it. Look at their faces, look at them!' Markus commanded, Jaska obeyed. His burning blue eyes gave me shivers down my spine as he looked at me. I knew he – and all the others – still saw a weak bastard in me, a child which can't live without a parent.

'What do you want to give them? A mentally ill dude or an intelligent man with experience and heart. It's your choice, boss.' Markus added and laid back on the couch. My boyfriend sighed, stood up and gave me another look.

'Come.' he held out his hand. I had no other choice so I put my hand in his and we went outside together. Arrived in front of the giant house, he picked me up and pressed me against the nearest wall, in a reflex I wrapped my legs around his hips. We shared a passionate kiss – I didn't even think about the why's anymore, that night brought us together, closer than we ever imagined.

'Do you have any idea how we get that man out of the city?' Jaska whispered with a worried face. This was the first time someone actually asked me for advice, I was honored.

'I have an idea.' I mumbled and my lover already wanted to let me go – but not yet. I grabbed his chin, gave him a dirty grin and hissed 'But first I want this moment to last a little.'

Jaska gave a short laugh, understood and connected our lips again. Rough and wet kisses … and I enjoyed every single one of it.


	27. I Am Your Blood [Marko]

Jari's idea wasn't as weird as it sounded at first. Searched and found, one day later we were on our way through the streets, moving to an unknown new home – at least for me. Jari suggested to get a handcart, big enough for the hurt ex-leader to sit in and maybe a place for our bags.

Markus was asleep while we, the other five, switched with the exhausting work of pulling that darn cart. Not that he was heavy, but added with the bags it was quite a thing.

'My turn.' the youngest man tapped my shoulder and I just raised my brow at him. He rolled his eyes in return and added 'I can take it, Marko.'

I gave a short laugh, replied 'I believe you.' and gave him the handlebars.

 

**Missed me?**

No, not now. Not while the others are around. We are in the middle of the city, go out of my head.

**You can't get rid of me. You still remember what you did, don't you?**

How can I ever forget it? Why don't you just fuck off, leave me alone, I am not longer y-

**Why don’t YOU just accept what you are? Look at him, look!**

My head moved to the side, my gaze resting on my sleeping groupmate in the handcart. He was helpless, weak and injured. An easy prey … but not for me.

**You want it, huh? Why are you still behaving like a human?**

I am a human, Petri.

**You are a monster.**

YOU are the monster! You brought death and pain on this world!

**… and all just because exactly you had to marry her.**

I didn't know her true face till the moment you were born and I saw what I created, what I brought on earth.

**And then you killed them, your own wife and newborn son. Only because we were different.**

Look what you did to us, to humanity!

**Our blood flows through your veins.**

Petri.

**Always hated that name. Who calls their son Petri? It doesn't even sound badass.**

You were named after my brother, lost brother.

**Are you getting emotional, _dad_?**

Don't call me dad, you don't deserve it.

**One thing, _dad_ … how come you never realized mom was no human? **

Stop talking about her.

**Accept it.**

No.

**Accept who you are.**

P-

**You can't fight it.**

No!

**I AM**

**A PART**

**OF YOU**

 

NO!

 

'Marko? Everything alright?' I suddenly stared into a pair of bright blue eyes. Kneeling on the ground, the guys in a circle around me – even Markus was awake. I was shaking, my heart beating as it would explode any second.

'Marko, please, say something!' the blondie repeated and shook my shoulders.

They were not ready for the truth, for the explanation about their suffering. They should not know, not yet.

I let my eyes wander around me. We arrived, the big metal gate in front of us. How long were we talking …?

'Saaresto!' the sudden deep voice from the soldier made me jump on my feet, still dizzy from what just happened.

'I- I'm okay. Just a bad d- daydream.' I mumbled and slowly tried to leave the circle around me. Olli grabbed my arm and pulled me aside.

'You suddenly screamed random words, tears were rolling down your cheeks and then you suddenly fell down on your knees – are you sure that you're okay?' the smaller man rested his hand on my shoulder. I wiped my hand over my face and nodded.

'Happens sometimes, don't worry too much about it, alright?' I tried to smile and Olli gave me an accepting nod. More he didn't want to know – at least for the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mindfuck xD
> 
> I hope it was understandable.
> 
> -> Marko is the father of the baby which brought The Others on the world, even though his wife (and mother of the baby) was actually the "first" of Them.  
> She just needed to spread it somehow and that happened because Marko killed both of them, short time after Petri, his son, was born.


	28. The Truth? [Jaska]

The horde was no problem, a few good aimed shots with my guns and the world had one worry less to handle. Free of Rats, I ordered my groupmates to collect all supplies they could find and gather them together in front of the biggest house – the main building of the base. While they were – hopefully – doing their job, Markus and I checked out the building for more Rats and possibilities for our new quarter.

We ended up settling in and around the main office … a secret dream of mine back when I still worked for the army – becoming a commander. Further than being an officer I never made it tho, but they surely had their reasons for not giving the violent bastard a leading position. I only hoped that I won't fuck it up this time … I lead 249 people to death – caring about 5 should be easier.

 

It took us almost the whole day to bring all gathered supplies into the office, where we would look for anything useful in the morning. For the moment, we all just went to sleep, exhausted from the walk and endless carrying around.

However, one of us didn't feel exhausted yet and that was, of course, my boyfriend. As always, he laid in my arms, his long hair covering half of my torso. Our eyes were locked with each other's and there was that one unspoken question between us – I knew that I won't get around it this time.

'I tell you my story and as compensation I get to hear yours, alright?' Jari whispered and rested his forehead against mine. I knew I could trust him and I knew that we both shared a similar past – there was nothing to fear but I still was unsure about unknown reasons.

'Now or never, hm?' I replied in a low voice and pressed my lips on his. I didn't know what would happen now but I could feel that this conversation would be everything but happy.

'Where should I start … phew …' my lover sighed and pushed himself up a little 'I guess that it's all obvious, I don't even remember when it was but it had to be many years ago when I met him. He was my friend, my best friend – always there for me through my quite hard childhood and young adult life. Damnit, we were so close to each other until he disappeared for – I counted it – exactly 11 days. Then he suddenly appeared in front of my house and it went quite downhill from there on.'

I felt the tension filling his body as he talked about it, negative tension. On the one hand I wanted to know what happened to him, on the other had he wasn't feeling well talking about it. Unsure what to do I continued listening to him – we ended up sitting on the mattress, one can't talk about such serious topics when laying around like someone who doesn't care.

'I will make it short from now on – he kidnapped me, locked me up in his house and yay! That's where my life as a punching bag for a sick person I once called my friend began. Until the apocalypse came down on earth he abused the shit out of me and I have no freaking idea why, I never found it out, through all these years. Pretty sad, I know. It's a wonder that I fell in love with you, a man who is just as violent as that guy, maybe even more. Shit, how could this happen, why am I sitting here.' Jari suddenly began sobbing and I watched as he suppressed his tears.

'Jari, you know that I –'

'He promised that too and he broke me! Why me, why am I hanging out with such people? Why am I gay, to begin with the main cause.' my boyfriend raised his voice and let out his emotion, just to apologize right after for shouting at me. 'I'm sorry, it's not your fault …'

'Just let it all out, I am the last one to judge when you get rid of your thoughts.' I went through the same, you need to shout and curse at the world every now and then or else you become insane. 'Is it my turn now?' I asked and blew a smooch on his cheek. Jari sniffed and nodded, moving closer to me.

'You know, we aren't much different.' I smiled at him while slightly shaking my head 'Just I had to live with him by law. I was around 14 when mom decided she has to leave her son alone with her abusive husband. I too don't know why he hated me so much and why he found so much joy in making my life as shitty as possible – in the end I thought I may not even be his son because no woman would want to fuck this guy. So, that's where the old scars come from, just that everyday punches and hits.'

He was listening closely and interested, surely waiting for the story about my figurehead, the big scar in my face. Now there was nothing more to hide, time for the truth.

'It is not as spectacular as you might think.' I pulled my knife out of its holster. 'I was around 20 when I stood in the kitchen, wrong place and time, father was furious – alcohol probably. He caught me off guard, slammed me against the wall and … and …' I stuttered. I felt the tears running down my cheeks, breathing becoming harder. I didn't talk about it because I knew I would cry – and I hated to cry. Jari carefully laid his hand on my cheek but couldn't reply something, so I continued.

'He slammed this … this little fellow here into my head, gods knew why. Gosh, I screamed, cried, the blood colored the room in a fabulous new style. I didn't go to the hospital – my maybe worst mistake but I learnt to live with it. That was the time I decided to dedicate my life to the army, they were the only ones who accepted me looking like this. That's it, my story. Nothing more.' I sighed and pulled my partner in a hug.

'That's … horrible.' more Jari didn't say.

How ridiculous we had to look like, two grown man fighting with their tears after talking about their past. We both knew the day would come we both needed to be honest and never would be the right moment to do it. I had time to think as we laid back down in silence, not letting each other go. We came together only a few weeks ago, just two or three – and it felt like an eternity.

Was it our past what connected us or just the fact we were different as day and night?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm unsatisfied how this went.


	29. Home [Markus]

Slowly and carefully I stepped out of my room, my hand still resting around my ribcage. It didn't hurt as much as on the first day anymore but I still felt like I had a knife stuck in my torso. Arrived in the big office I spotted Marko, Olli and Jani trying to bring an order to the seemingly endless piles of collected supplies. I wondered how many people lived here before they left … and why they let so much stuff behind.

Jani was seen stacking all kinds of papers, books and letters in the corner of the room. Marko and Olli carried boxes full of medications around. Who would leave all this … to our luck though.

'Where are the lovebirds?' I asked my groupmates as I sat down next to an unsorted pile. Being sick doesn't mean being lazy – even as the ex-leader. To be honest, I was happy about the choice of giving Jaska the rudder, I just messed everything up.

'Probably still sleeping, all we know is that they are still in their room.' Olli mumbled, not looking up from his work.

'They aren't in their room.' Marko replied, making the other blondie looking up. I turned my head to the hallway, there they stood.

'Shit, you look like you just woke up from the worst night ever.' I stated and only received four eyes rolling. Jari walked over to another pile and began sorting without a word. Jaska looked over the whole situation, turned back to me and replied coldly 'The worst night? The day my knife stuck in my face, not it's holster.'

More he didn't say and more there wasn't to say. So that's where the scar came from – it made sense they both looked tired of every shit possible – I wasn't interested in knowing their past and reasons but they did and they knew, now.

'Nice!' the leader exclaimed after searching one pile, holding a hunting rifle in his hands 'Must've been ages since I shot with one the last time. What else do we have here? More guns, bulletproof clothes, maps – everything is welcome!' he added and dedicated his attention to the found guns.

Once in the army, always in the army. I was glad, at least one of us who had experience about inhuman procedures.

 

Later, in the afternoon, we all sat together in a circle, checking all books, letters, diaries and papers we found. Jani was busy searching a life signal from his girlfriend, Jari entertained himself with children books. Jaska of course had his mind deeply buried in military reports and Marko, Olli and I had the graceful task of reading diaries and marking entries which could be useful sometime.

'Look, that one's from an actual doctor.' Olli exclaimed and handed it over to Marko 'Maybe you can learn something out of it.'

'I hope.' the taller man laughed and stored it in his bag.

 

 

_17 th July 20XX_

_I don't have much time. The horde is coming. The commander knows but more than lazily sitting around in his office he doesn't do. We are all going to die if we don't leave._

_I formed a group, small but powerful. We will leave this base before it is too late, I heard about a bigger, safer military city on the other side of the country. That's our goal, dead or alive. Better dying in a fight than dying waiting until death stands in front of the gates._

_The soldier from the neighbor house doesn't stop stalking me in every situation possible. I wouldn't be so disgusted by him if his face doesn't half consist of an ugly scar. I don't even know his name. Maybe he wants to join our group, I should ask him the next time he decides to stare through my window._

_Marita Vennamo_


	30. The Stranger [Marita Vennamo]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slight sexual content but only very slightly xD Just mentioned I guess.

_1 ½ months ago ..._

My group decided to leave earlier than expected so I had to talk to the soldier, now or never.

'Hey … hey Sir!' I shouted as I sat in front of my house – we all lived in typical military base houses, nothing special but enough to live under the given circumstances. The scarred soldier was on the way into his own house when he noticed my calls and looked into my direction. To be honest, that bloody line in his face had character, even if it still looked horrible.

'A whole week and only now you decide to greet me.' the man laughed and took a step in my direction 'What is it, sweetheart?'

Sweetheart, was that his way how to flirt with women … anyway, I waved him to come closer, things like the group I didn't want to shout around the whole place. Just as he stood directly in front of me I noticed how tall he was and a sudden weird wild aura began to cradle me. Must have been his rough looks.

'What are your plans about the horde?' I asked, not mentioning my actual intention yet.

'Fighting it while you run away, I guess.' a laugh escaped his lips and his dirty blue eyes gave me sudden goosebumps. 'My name is Jaska, by the way. Or Officer Mäkinen, your choice.'

A leader, whoops. Should've threaten him with more respect. Or not. 'I don't have to tell my name, I guess that was the easiest task while stalking me.' I replied with a raised brow.

'I wasn't stalking, I was protecting you.' Jaska answered with a shaking head.

'Protecting me? From what? Random zombies walking the streets?' I laughed but immediately shut up as I felt the man's hands around my hips. Was that …

He moved his head closer to my ear and hissed 'The people, mainly my colleagues, don't like your funky idea of escaping at all. I overheard conversations of things they would find funny to do to people who don't obey. You don't know the danger because I kept it away from you the whole time.'

That could've been truth or lie but much time to think about it wasn't left as soon as I felt his surprisingly soft lips against my neck, wondering if he just left a hickey there.

'I am leaving tomorrow evening, you should also leave until then.' the soldier whispered and slowly let go of me. There was an awkward silence between us, he was waiting for a reply but I just stood around, blushing to all shame. I grabbed his hand and pulled him into the house, up the stairs to my small flat. He didn't complain and followed me blindly, gods knew what he expected – what I expected.

'You can't go fight these monsters!' I exclaimed as I closed the door behind us.

'I have duties, Marita. It's basically my job. I would run away too but I didn't work my way up to the officer to throw it all away now – just because a weird disease turned people into mindless Rats. How come you are suddenly so worried, ignoring me the whole time as neighbors.' he gave me _that_ grin again and I slowly felt where that conversation was going.

'Even if that protector stuff is true … I have no idea. I guess the soon escape from this base reminded me of to say hi to my stalker at least once. However, you are standing in my flat now.' I stated the obvious and felt the air becoming tighter between us.

Whatever random thought took control of me, I walked the small distance between us and pulled the soldier by his neck into a wet kiss. That was enough answer for him so he wrapped his arms around me and gently pressed me against the nearest wall.

'One of us will die, running or fighting.' he breathed into my ear and I could feel his physical excitement.

'You want to say that we probably never meet again?' I replied as dug my fingernails into his back.

'Exactly.'

Further happenings were unavoidable and to be honest … nice opportunity with a handsome looking man – screw the scar. A thought escaped my head about how many people he already slept with in this military base … but I didn't want to judge, he was damn good at it.

I heard his quiet snores through the warm bedroom air, no idea why I couldn't sleep. Laying body to body next to a lover actually makes the best position to rest but I just couldn't calm my mind.

What if _he_ was still alive …


	31. Mine [Jari]

I could remember that dream only vaguely. It has been almost entirely dark in the room, my lovers’ eyes the seemingly only light source but still enough to made the moment perfect. Silence was ruling, every now and then a breathed sigh escaped into the air. On the first thought I did believe we just made love but it must have been much more than that. Why would my head form an image about Jaska and me …

 

‘Give it to me! Give me the diary!’ a shout ripped me out of my dream and I almost smashed my head against Jaska’s as I flinched up. My boyfriend gently stroked through my hair with his hand as the shouting man turned to exactly him.

‘Where do you know her from? Why do you know her at all?’ Jani exclaimed and Jaska just raised his hands in an innocent way. I had no freaking idea what was going on.

‘Hey! Calm down!’ the leader replied and gently shove me down from his lap so he could stand up.

‘Answer my question!’ as I finally had my senses back I could see that Jani wasn’t furious, his face portrayed something like … fear?

‘What did I miss?’ I quickly whispered to Olli.

‘Markus asked Jaska about a woman and I think the rest is obvious …’ the blondie answered and rested his hands on my shoulders. I tried to combine the parts of the puzzle as the "conversation" continued.

‘We … we were neighbors in the military base, right here. Well, at one point we went further than just neighbors but I don’t need to explain that I guess.’ a smirk played on Jaska’s lips and Jani just gave him a sudden stare, uncomfortable silence hurting our ears. I looked at the man next to me and his dropped jaw. So – I guessed we just found Jani’s girlfriend.

‘You … did what?’ the smaller man muttered and eyed the solider.

‘I couldn’t know, Jani. If I knew –‘

‘She is my girlfriend! Mine! How dare you fucking my girlfriend!’ the brown haired screamed out of a sudden and stormed towards Jaska, who just watched motionless. I didn’t know what was taking action in me but I felt myself jumping in front of my lover, roughly pushing the now furious man on the ground. I couldn’t find a good explanation for what happened with me then.

‘Don’t you dare to attack him!’ I exclaimed with a voice which made me afraid of myself.

‘Jari, why –‘ Jaska tried to pull me away but I pushed him away from myself, being surprised about the strength I earned all of a sudden.

‘He has absolutely no fault about the fact that YOUR woman decided to cheat on you! Do you think she told him before he fell for her? Do you think she wore a sign with “Fuck me, I have a boyfriend” on it? Leave your dirty hands away from my man or I will fucking kill you!’ I shouted with the whole power my voice was capable of and gave Jani a kick against his chest. I knew the use of violence wasn’t necessary and my mind was immediately filled with guilt as I stepped back and watched Jani trying to stand up, one hand firmly wrapped around his torso.

I remember the last outburst I had. Back then I suffered under a torture not possible to describe after _he_ made it to calm me. I felt tears crawling up my eyes but I tried too hard to keep them for myself.

‘Fuck you.’ Jani hissed at me, turned to Jaska for a last time and added ‘And fuck you even more.’ before he walked into his room.

Marko, Markus and Olli had no idea what the hell just happened in front of their eyes, they just stared at me with shaking heads. Jaska wasn’t very happy either. However, he kept it for himself until we were alone for ourselves.

‘Let’s keep this uncommented, I guess.’ Jaska raised his brow, nodded at the three other men and roughly pulled me away into our “own four walls”.

 

‘Do you think that I need someone to protect me? Huh? Do I look that weak to you?’ the solider barked at me as I stood motionlessly, arms crossed in the room. ‘You could’ve get hurt, for fucks sake. You are already hurt enough.’ Just as he said it I felt a slight sting in my leg.

As I still remained silent, Jaska walked up to me, face close to face, and commanded ‘SPEAK!’

For a second I stared into his dusty eyes, in the next moment I slapped my hand across my lovers’ face, still unintentionally being careful to not hurt the right side of his face.

Dead silence.

‘Concentrate on the force in your wrist, not the arm.’ the solider commented on my poor slap which didn’t seem to hurt him even a little.

‘S- Sorry …’ I muttered and took a step back ‘I just wanted … maybe protect but I was afraid and … and …’ I tried to explain my reasons. Jaska nodded, tapped my chin to make me look up to him and smirked.

‘Your mind is stronger than your body, I hope you know that. Leave the fists to me, take the words.’ he laughed and pushed me gently down on our mattresses. I felt reminded to the dream I had earlier. It was also the first time Jaska wasn’t caring much about being careful and slow. Truth to be said, I liked that side of him. Dangerous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally finding the time to continue this fic here xD


	32. Falling Asleep [Markus]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short, funny, lighting up the mood.

My sleep had been weak since my rib broke but this time I woke up unusually early in the middle of the night. To my surprise not because of a hurting body, more because of my roommate rolling around on his mattress, sounding obviously mad.

‘Jani?’  I asked into the darkness, receiving an annoyed sigh from my roommate.

‘What.’ he muttered as I turned around to find my groupmate laying plain on his back, staring at the ceiling.

‘Are you mad at Jaska?’ I raised my brow even though nobody could see it in the dark.

‘No. I’m mad at her. I’m mad at myself. I just want to die right now, okay?’ the man sobbed and turned his back to me.

‘Hey, we are getting through this together, okay? At least I will help you, you know I’ve been through the same.’ I pushed myself up a little and tried to calm him.

‘I know, I know. I think I just need to sleep over it but I can’t fall asleep …’ Jani mumbled into his blanket. What did I do when I couldn’t sleep? Damnit, I couldn’t tell him _that_ thing. On the other hand, we were all sitting in the same horrible situation and we already agreed on that we know way too much about each other to still call us strangers.

‘Do you know what I do when I can’t sleep?’ I smirk.

‘Hm?’ Jani turns his head a little.

‘Well, I touch myself.’ I gave a silent laugh and only received a confused hum.

‘What?’ Jani hissed, obviously shaking his head.

‘Are you stupid?’ I began to laugh out loud ‘I jerk off, wank, fap, you know what I mean?’

‘Markus!’ the other man rolled his eyes and joined me laughing ‘Why are you like this.’

‘I’m a single man in a world full of men. I need to help myself somehow.’ I shrunk my shoulders and laid back down. An awkward silence followed and then a whisper reached my ears. ‘Do you mind?’

‘Hm?’ I replied.

‘If I … you know.’ Jani stuttered.

‘Just do what you must, I will even turn away.’ I grinned and did as I said. At the same time, I hoped to fall asleep quickly by myself.


	33. Dust [Olli]

The last two weeks had been everything but relaxing, although we had almost no fights against the creatures we had several in the group itself. Markus’ broken bone healed pretty well together again, he could even walk without help – he himself said and promised that he could also fight against the Others but Marko forbid him to face our enemies, through the duration of our whole stay in the military base. Given the fact that he could walk again, the old quarrels between the “Alpha-Males” broke out again – we other groupmates were already used to it so it didn’t affect us much.

However, what affected us was the sudden dispute between our two lovers. Jari told me about that little shout-slap duel they had after the happening with Jani, Jaska actually didn’t react to the long-haired man’s outburst at all but still they suddenly stopped talking to each other. And if they talked, then they would throw hateful comments and insults through the air. They still slept in the same room but with a space of at least a half meter away from each other.

Marko and I decided to leave them be for a while, we agreed on that it probably just was a small argue that should fade away in a few days.

Hell, we were so wrong.

 

With heavy bags we stepped through the dusty and hot wastelands, my closest friend and Jani deepened into a conversation about medicine, as far as I could hear, Markus and Jaska judged each other’s leader qualities as always and Jari walked next to me, silently. I watched him looking at his feet with depressed eyes. The sight hurt me, as honest as I needed to be.

‘Are you okay?’ I asked carefully and as he didn’t answer me I grabbed his hand. Surprised by the sudden contact his eyes quickly wandered up to mine.

‘Do I look any okay to you?’ he replied and sighed. Their relationship fights exhausted them, not the best thing in an apocalypse.

‘Hey … you aren’t alone in this. We will fix this, together.’ I tried to cheer him up but seemingly made it even worse.

‘Well I’m afraid that I am alone now.’ he gulped and tightened the grip around my hand.

‘Did you … break up?’ I was sure they didn’t but you can never know what happened behind closed doors.

‘No, no. But I think Jaska isn’t happy with this anymore.’

‘Do you still love him?’ I searched for his eyes. I wanted to see the answer in his face, not his words.

‘Yes, with all my heart.’ he trembled – he was lying.

‘Jari, why are you doing this to yourself?’ I asked and completely brought him over the edge with that.

‘I don’t know.’ he sobbed and broke out in tears.

‘Jari?’ Jaska suddenly stood in front of us and leaned down to his partner. Like a child, the smaller man didn’t answer or even reacted. He just stood there, crying his eyes out with the whole group watching him.

‘Jari, talk to me.’ the leader commanded with an eyeroll and rested his hands on his lover’s shoulders. The smaller man remained silent. I watched as Jaska’s grip slightly became stronger and how he had to control himself to not let out the heartless solider. Nobody dared to move so I took action, before something horrible could happen.

‘Leave him be, Jaska.’ I exclaimed and carefully tried to push the twain away from each other. The solider gave in, sighed unsatisfied and continued walking the dusty street. I threw my arm around Jari’s shoulder and calmed him while we continued our way. The darkness already began to greet and none of us wanted to sleep on the street, in the middle of a wide open without any place to hide from a horde.

Jaska located a small wooden shelter in the distance and decided it to be our roof for the incoming night. As we stepped inside it was clearly that other people and groups used it as a shelter before … which also meant it was probably safe too.

Our leader agreed - even though he was the most exhausted from us - on taking the first watch. This had also been the first night Jari and Jaska didn’t sleep next to each other.


	34. Crying Soldiers [Markus]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh.

The sleepless nights still haunted me, so I decided to visit our leader on his watch. As I left the shelter to climb onto the roof I already heard some muffled coughs, still I didn’t mind them further.

‘What do you want, huh?’ the solider sobbed as I reached the top of the small house. His voice didn’t sound as rough as usual … he sounded so weak. Must have been the tiring day.

‘Hanging out with you.’ I replied and sat down next to him, if he wanted or not.

‘Leave, Markus. I don’t need you right now.’ Jaska coughed again, unusual heavy. However, I demanded on staying with him, even I was tired of their relationship drama. I tried to look into his face, he turned away.

‘Jaska? Are you okay?’ I carefully laid my hand on his shoulder and asked in a slightly worried tone.

‘Don’t you have something better do to? Like, insulting me or telling me how much I suck? Just fuck off and don’t tell me you suddenly care about how I feel.’ Jaska replied, which pretty much should sound like shouting but everything that came out was crying, crying for help.

‘Hey, look at me.’ I exclaimed and grabbed his chin with my free hand. To my surprise he didn’t slap it away, hit me or even fought back. Instead, he looked at me with a face I’ve never seen before. The left side covered in tears, the right in blood. The wet drops must’ve mixed up with the wound, making him look much like the day his accident happened, I guessed.

‘Congrats, now you can make a documentary about crying soldiers.’ the man smirked but was once again interrupted by a cough, making him almost throwing up. I grabbed his shoulder tighter. I could imagine why he was crying but only now I noticed that him getting sick would mess up the mood in the group even more.

‘Aren’t you feeling well?’ I made him look at me, studied into his greenish eyes for a second and then jumped away in a quick move because of the soldier making his almost throwing up reality. How come the people always vomited in my presence.

‘Well? Fuck, I feel like I am dying.’ Jaska laughed and broke out in tears again. Getting him through the remaining night alone or waking up the others?

 

‘Marko! Marko, wake up!’ I shook the sleeping man around until he tried to push me away with a growl.

‘What?’ he hissed and looked at me with a raised brow.

‘Jaska, he needs your help, he’s feeling horrible, please!’ I stammered and pulled Marko up from his mattress.

‘Slow, slow! Where is he?’ the blondie slapped my hand away as we walked outside.

‘On the r – ‘ I wanted to state but he wasn’t on the roof anymore. He laid on the ground, a puddle of puke around him, Jaska himself trembling and quietly crying out for help.

‘Fuck … fuck! Wake up the others, quick!’ Marko commanded and I didn’t think twice to do so.


	35. Sickness [Marko]

I tried to ignore the sudden upcoming drama among the group and tried to concentrate on Jaska, who we brought inside and laid down on his mattress. He looked horrible, totally pale and in pain. I think I even saw tears. However, that didn’t matter because my priority was to find out what made him so sick in such a short time.

‘Jaska! Hey!’ I put my hands on his shoulders and looked into his eyes ‘Are you okay? Ignoring the obvious, of course.’

The soldier nodded slowly and turned his gaze to the left, where his boyfriend sat and watched silently. Jaska grabbed the other man’s hand and pushed himself up a little, carefully.

‘J- Jari …’ he muttered and the rare view of our leader actually crying happened in front of my eyes. Not that I judged someone for being emotional … but Jaska?

‘I am so sorry, so fucking sorry.’ the long-haired sobbed as reply but got interrupted by Jaska abruptly sitting up and staring at the ground. ‘I th- think we should move that to l- later.’ he whispered and grabbed around his own waist. In a split second I tapped Markus’ leg, who was standing behind me, and pointed at the bucket in the corner of the room.

Said and done, he gave it to the soldier and I looked away. Not that I was disgusted by Jaska and his sudden sickness but I just couldn’t look at someone throwing up. As I turned my gaze back Jari was trying to clean at least a little of him from … crap … with a wet cloth. I laid my hand on his forehead – obviously fever.

‘Throwing up, fever, feeling weak.’ I thought out loud and felt Olli’s hand on my shoulder.

‘He isn’t transforming into one of those creatures, right?’ the blondie asked worried, I shook my head.

‘Our boss has a flu, nothing more. The diary from the doctor, he talked about the amount of people with a flu raised after the outbreak. Probably the lack of hygiene but he couldn’t tell exactly.’ I explained and received a relieved sigh from the other group members.

‘But … will he get well again?’ Jari asked and I calmed him ‘Of course. Resting will help, as soon as the night is over I will check our medications for something useful.’

Attention back to the victim, his head was resting on Jari’s lap and he seemed to be in a stable state.

‘Will you take care of him the remaining night?’ I asked the younger man.

‘Of course.’ Jari replied and stroke his hands through the short dark hair of his boyfriend. I looked around, nodded and sent everyone back to sleep. I helped Jari to carry his sleeping place over next to Jaska again, I pulled my mattress closer to our sick group member also.

‘If you or he needs help, if you feel something is wrong or if you are just unsure, please wake me up – okay?’ I made sure and the long-haired promised it.

Of course, I couldn’t sleep properly. The voices in my head had another interesting conversation and I wanted to be there … just in case Jaska needed me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enough of that now.


	36. Sleep [Jari]

_I’m sorry. What have I done? Am I the reason he became sick? He’s crying. The strongest of us is crying because of an idiot like me. How could I be so stupid. Why didn’t I talk to him in the first way? He did nothing wrong! I was the one who hit him, I was the one who initiated all unnecessary drama! And now he had a flu … a flu caused by depression after a simple and stupid mistake._

‘Jari, are you talking in your sleep or are you just thinking out loud?’ Markus asked into the darkness, the others still seemed to sleep.

‘It doesn’t matter.’ I replied coldly and turned my attention back to my lover. My hand wandered over his forehead and cheek – burning hot. At least he stopped throwing up every few minutes, quite a relief.

‘You should rest. Exhaustion isn’t good in a situation like this.’ the ex-leader continues talking to me and I said, slightly annoyed ‘Why do you suddenly care so much about Jaska?’

‘Why shouldn’t I? He’s the boss-‘ Markus wanted to begin rambling again. I rudely interrupted him.

‘One day you both try to kill each other, another day you care about his health and well-being more than I do! Stop with that “He’s leader mimimi” shit! What is your fucking problem?’ I shouted just as quiet to not wake someone up.

Markus was heard sighing. ‘There is a river near this house, Jaska and his clothes probably need a small clean-up. I will help you getting him there and then I explain, okay?’ he stated calmly, I rolled my eyes.

‘Fine.’ a mumble left my lips and I laid back down, wrapping one of my arms around my partner. Markus had never been a person I liked much. Neither did he like me and Jaska.

He scared me. It sounds ridiculous but being exposed like this to him, without my boyfriend being able to help me in an emergency …

Goddamnit, I wondered what the next day brought to us. And sleep? Sleep is for the weak.


	37. Shadow [Jaska]

If I wanted or not, my lover and ex-leader brought me down to a near river. I couldn’t fight against it, too weak. My head felt like a ticking bomb, my stomach as if a thousand moths would fight inside of it and just in general, my whole body felt like a chewing gum. Of course I would be the one to become sick.

The sound of the small river and the water splashing around filled me with a weird kind of happiness, and as my two groupmates sat me down on the grass I felt amazingly relieved. Must’ve been the different environment, empty wasteland makes you depressed.

‘Jari!’ I grabbed his arm as he wanted to go getting some water.

‘I am sorry, really. I should not have started with all this … I am just bad at this and-‘ he rambled but I just smirked, pulled him down on my eye height and tapped my nose against his.

‘Shut up. The kiss comes when I’m not full of vomit anymore.’ I stated and Jari couldn’t help to start smiling also. Then he joined Markus at the river to get my clothes cleaned.

A small while of wet clothes and cloths in my face, dumb comments and cheek smooches from my boyfriend later I sat with my back against a tree, the other two in front of me.

‘Will I die?’ I asked as if it would be the most usual question to wonder about.

‘Marko is trying to find medication for you in our supplies, but he already said he doubts we have anything. Don’t worry thought, you won’t die.’ Markus answered with a slight nod. I looked at said man for a few seconds, then I looked at my lover.

‘Markus? I think you have to explain some things now.’ I exclaimed, Jari also raised his brow at the other man.

‘Damn, what’s so weird about me helping you … I just felt bad after all those fights and insults, then you both began arguing and I was really afraid of the possible break-up between you and … well I kind of feel that I am the reason for all recent happenings, because I couldn’t get over my dead partner.’ Markus began to talk, obviously trying to not show any feelings, which didn’t work.

‘Hey, slow, slow. You are not the reason for our misery. I a- … What in seven hells!’ Jari suddenly jumped up and grabbed the gun out of my holster.

‘Step closer and I kill you!’ my partner shouted and, of course, worried tried to turn around.

 

A shadow in the woods.

A person.

 

He?


	38. Survivors Of Broken Relationships [Olli]

I was surprised to even find medication in that pile of stuff we had in our backpacks – most of it was pretty useless in our situation, and when we found actual meds, they weren’t what Jaska needed.

Marko sat on his mattress, face buried in his hands. I tried to somehow cheer him up, to get him out of his almost depressed state – just because we couldn’t find anything that would help our leader. Only a wonder could’ve helped him and actually all of us out of this situation. A wonder at the end of the world? At least we made it that far, further than the most.

‘Guys!’ Markus’ voice rang in my head. The gazes of us three people in the room went up into his eyes and expected whatever could’ve happened.

‘Collect all your things together, we are going to leave!’ the ex-leader exclaimed, I raised my brow at him.

‘Why? What’s with Jaska?’ I replied obviously confused.

‘We will take him where the medication he needs is.’ an unknown male voice was heard behind Markus and suddenly a man stepped into the room. Rather tall, brown haired, slightly bearded and – which was the most significant – he wore a uniform looking exactly like Jaska’s. But didn’t he say …

‘My name’s Karlus, call me however you want but be quick. Our camp is only a few minutes away from here.’ the man added and we packed together our stuff as fast as we could – did we have a choice? No, trusting a random man was it.

A small while later we found ourselves walking through a small forest, a weird thing to look at … life in a dead world – those few trees had a strange impact on me. Is that the wonder?

The soldiers were talking to each other, Jari walking with them to support his lover. Only then I noticed that the guy, Karlus, was one of the first actual people we’ve met in weeks. Such a surreal feeling.

 

The camp where the soldier brought us was bigger than expected, military tents everywhere, several people walking around, most of them watching us critically. I felt reminded of my past, people always looked at me like this because I didn’t fit into their view of the world – that’s why I escaped onto the sea. Water doesn’t judge you for your mistakes, for your opinion and for your state of mind.

Karlus walked over to a group of people, seemingly explaining who the hell we unknown people were and that they hopefully treat us with respect. After that the apparently leader of the other group told Markus, Jani and me to do whatever we want as long as he, Jari and Marko cared for Jaska.

We didn’t even have to wonder what to do with our free time for pretty long, Jani already spotted the cause of the misery that haunted him for all those past weeks he spent with us, the reason the whole relationship drama between Jaska and Jari happened in the first place – Marita.

‘You? Here?’ Jani mumbled and stepped closer to the woman who stopped walking past us to eye our groupmate.

‘Wow.’ she raised her brow and didn’t say anything further, just stared at her boyfriend.

‘Wouldn’t expect me to be alive, huh? Wouldn’t expect me to show up and interrupt your cheating around?’ Jani began hissing and stepped closer to her.

‘Don’t you think that this is ridiculous?’ she replied, shaking her head ‘Aren’t you happy to see me? I thought you were dead, love.’

‘I know who you jumped in bed with as soon as we were parted. I know how you didn’t give a fuck about me. Don’t call me love, Love is the least thing you feel for me. You were happy that I went lost and you are finally single again. It’s over, fucking over.’ the man obviously held back the anger that was burning inside of him.

‘Really?’ Marita started laughing ‘It took you this long to realize that I don’t give a flying fuck about you?’

‘Just leave me alone, you aren’t worth discussing about.’ Jani exclaimed, his now ex-girlfriend twitched her shoulders, blew him a pure hateful kiss and continued her way through the camp.

Markus and I silently watched, we didn’t know what to say, if we should cheer him up or just leave him alone. I wondered if she knew Jaska was a part of our group, how would she feel seeing the guy with who he cheated on her boyfriend – both being friends?

I suggested that we go look after our leader, there was nothing much left for us to do anyway.

 

We all sat together in one of those big military tents, our two lovers back in each other’s arms after Jaska finally got the medication he needed. A few days passed since we arrived in the camp, I still felt like a foreign person in another country. At least we all had each other.

‘Who is that guy, Karlus?’ Marko asked into the silence.

Jaska gave a short and silent laugh ‘My best friend. We fought side to side against that giant horde, both thinking everyone died as we escaped. That we end up meeting here, in the wastelands? Impossible.’

‘Will we stay here? To be honest I haven’t got a very comfortable feeling here, I would rather leave.’ Jari muttered and looked into his boyfriend’s eyes.

‘I don’t plan to stay, as much as I am happy about meeting my best friend. We will leave soon again, to reach the city one day.’ Jaska nodded and they both shared a kiss. It was relieving to see such things after their fights … it brought back new hope, new motivation and maybe even strength to continue the way – for all of us to find something that makes us happy, once we reached our goals.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is chaotic as fuck xD


	39. Little Soldier Boy [Jani]

‘Hey, got some time to talk? Somewhere less public, perhaps.’ the boss of the camp, Karlus, walked up to me as I stood outside of my groups’ tent. Everyone was asleep, the moon was glowing brighter than all the days I’ve looked up to it before. I sighed.

‘Probably, can’t sleep anyway.’ I crossed my arms and took a deep breath. The soldier held out his hand and waved me to follow him. Well, why not. We walked through the silent and dark camp, ending up at the man’s own tent. To my surprise it looked pretty much like a normal flat, with chairs, tables and several other things. Not what you expect to find in a low-quality military camp. Karlus pointed at a chair and placed himself on the one right beside it.

‘Talk? About what?’ I asked as I placed myself on the seat.

‘I know my people and I know about your struggle with one of my fellow groupmates. I also know about the thing with Jaska, pretty rough situation you are in right now.’ the soldier stated, I nodded.

‘But I broke up with her. Way too late, should’ve never gotten together with her in the first place. At this point I just kind of want to kill myself.’ I exclaimed honestly and looked into the eyes of the other man.

‘I think they are different steps you could take before taking your life.’ Karlus answered, truly worried about me. Something I thought I would never experience again.

‘For example? What if my meaning of life is to be there for the person I love, but the person I love is a false and lying asshole?’ I muttered and felt the sudden warmth of the other man’s hand on my shoulder.

‘I know that I can’t instantly heal you but think about it, your groupmates. I think you are together for quite a while now, they would miss you.’ he tried to give me reasons why I shouldn’t saw my own head off but little did he know.

‘They want to go to the military city, I don’t want to.’ a sigh left my lips.

‘Then stay with us.’ Karlus suggested, I looked up to him again.

‘With her?’ I raised my brow.

‘Nobody talked about her, I talked about myself.’ the soldier smiled, the grip around my shoulder tightened.

 

My groupmates were packing their stuff together after spending one week in Karlus’ camp, I refused to and just sat on my mattress, motionless.

‘Don’t you finally want to start cleaning up?’ Markus hissed at me, I shook my head.

‘I am not going with you.’ I said.

I saw heads turning around, looking at me confused.

‘I am staying with this group. Please don’t ask why.’ I added, in hope nobody would ask further. Oh I was wrong.

‘Have we done something wrong? Are you okay?’ Olli immediately walked over to me.

‘I just don’t want to go to the city, I want to stay in the wastelands.’ I muttered with my eyes pinned to the ground.

‘But-‘ Olli tried to reply.

‘Leave him be, Olli. It’s his choice where to go and what to do, not ours.’ Jaska stated, the blondie nodded defeated.

 

Several hugs, wishes and countless saying of goodbyes I watched after the group of five, walking into their death sentence. I wasn’t sad because we went parted ways, I was sad because of the mistake they did, leaving this save spot for a city which isn’t what it sounds like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Karlus is a pretty cool and nice OC of Fanficreader01 :3  
> Thanks that I could use him xD


	40. Nothing Stays The Same [Marko]

We run, just run, running away from the horde. We made it long enough to not encounter one and just as we thought we were safe they surprised us at night. Jaska made it to locate a small shelter nearby so we made our way there, always looking that everyone was still with us.

Markus closed the door with a slam and leaned against it.

‘Monsters.’ he gasped while shaking his head. We decided to stay silent until they lost interest which succeeded after a few minutes.

Time to breathe.

‘Olli …’ Jari was heard mumbling ‘Olli, your arm …’

In a split second the blondie looked at his arm – blood dripping down on the floor, the wound looking like a real zombie bite ... bugs.

‘Bugs.’ I repeated, pushed Olli down on the floor and knelt down next to him. Now, now or never, for him and only him. A gulp went through the room, nobody knew what to do, the time seemed to stand still.

‘I need your knife, Jaska.’ I exclaimed and held out my hand.

‘M-My knife? What …’ he stuttered,

‘Your knife! Now!’ I shouted, the soldier laid it into my hand.

‘By all good gods that left me, please let this be true.’ I muttered, ripped a cut into the palm of my hand and pulled Olli’s arm roughly into my direction. ‘This might burn a little.’ I gave him a last look before I pressed my hand, covered in black blood-like liquid, onto his wound.

 

‘What the hell did I just see.’ the voice of the soldier was heard mumbling, I shook my head as I got my consciousness back. Olli, what about Olli …

‘Olli.’ I exclaimed and looked around. My friend sat next to me, staring at his arm. His wound turned into a scar similar to a burn mark, I couldn’t find anything looking like a cut on my hands.

‘What … have you just done …’ Olli stuttered trembling.

‘Magic.’ I replied and shook my head once more.

‘What are you?!’ Markus almost shouted and took some steps away from me. Jari was hiding behind his lover.

‘It is said that only the blood of its father can cure the curse laying on humanity. I killed him, I killed her. My son, my wife. She was one of them, a monster come to earth to destroy humanity. Our son, a hybrid of monster and human, strong enough to eliminate every life on the world in seconds. I spread the disease, I pulled our world in eternal misery.’ I explained while standing up.

‘This is why they never even touched you … you belong to the Others.’ Jaska guessed.

‘Correct. I never wanted to harm anyone but this belongs to a power greater than all of us, something we can’t fight against.’

‘But your blood, it’s the cure!’ Olli added into the conversation ‘Or how else did you save me from those bugs?’

‘It’s the cure.’  I sighed, wiped my hand over my face and looked at the blood stains. ‘My eyes already turned red.’

‘Every person you cure turns you more into a monster.’ Jari was heard, I nodded.

‘I can’t continue to be with you like this. This is how I am, a monster sleeping inside a human body. You have to go, as quick as possible.’ I stated and pulled Olli up on his legs.

‘I can’t leave you, Marko.’ the blondie said, staring at me with his glowing blue eyes. ‘Let the others go but I won’t let you down like this.’

A discussion broke out in which I couldn’t take part. I wanted him to live, not to stay with a monster like me. The others didn’t want to leave me either … couldn’t they understand.

I felt a sting going through my heart.

_I see, you finally accepted your true self._


	41. Falkenhall [Markus]

I never thought that I would see my old harbor ever again. It had been months since Jaska, Jari and I left behind our groupmates, months since we finally arrived at Falkenhall.

Now why were we back where everything began?

Military city sounds nice, of course, but what we found there looked more like a slum with a cruel dictatorship, nothing the military would do.

We agreed to continue living in the wastelands, that’s what we could do best, that’s what our lives wanted us to do. Pretty funny, the two guys who hated each other in the beginning, standing at the same place they first met as friends.

Such a weird world.

Weird and cruel world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic had been a weird journey lol. Thank you for reading.


End file.
